Mr. You Might Do

Hello Loves!!

It's the weekend and a 3 day weekend for me.   What do I plan on doing?  Reflecting on my experiences and sharing with you, of course! 

I had a conversation with a friend of mine recently and she was commenting on how excited she was for me.  We hadn't seen each other for a while and had the opportunity to catch up.  She SAID that she was excited for me, but her voice and tone reminded me of the guy who does the Clear Eyes commercials.  It was very dry and monitone.  She shared with me that she didn't think that she would ever find the kind of love I'm experiencing right now.

I asked her this..."what would be your ideal man"?  Her response was interesting to me because her whole tone and attitude changed.  She began to say what he better have and what he better do.  She expressed that under no uncertain terms would she tolerate this or that and practically demanded that he be a specific height, weight, and build.  Then I asked her, "and if Mr. You Might Do were to come along, do you think that YOU would be the candidate he select to get to know?"  "Whatchu mean?", she asked with an attitude in her tone.  You know the tone I'm talking about...the eyes rolling, teeth sucking attitude that some women get when you say something that they don't necessarily agree with.  I said, "you have all these requirements and standards and guidelines...don't you think that he would too?  Do you actually think that if your ideal guy were to come along that you would be the one he wants to get to know"?  "I got a lot to offer a man!", she said with a touch of hostility.  I don't doubt that  however...

I'm learning that not everything you think you have to offer a man may not be what he necessarily NEEDS.  Everyone has certain ways that they perceive love based on their personal experiences, how they grew up, etc.  For example, you may believe that the way to a man's heart it through his stomach until you encounter the guy who eats for sustinance, not for enjoyment.  What will you do then?  How will he perceive your love for him if he's not into food the way you are? 

I'm learning that it really doesn't matter how you show your love for someone, but how the other person PERCEIVES love from you.  That perception of love is very important and should be analyzed and taken into account when getting to know someone.  We must learn how to speak the language of love and understand that what works for you doesn't necessarily work for someone else. 

My friend told me that I gave her a lot to think about.  I explained that she had to be open and receptive to the idea of love, and then begin to ask herself the tough questions.  I also informed her that being hostile about all the wrongs that have been done to her in the past isn't the best way to begin a new relationship.  I suggested that she use her past relationships to answer some of the tough questions and really assess what it is that she really wants.  She asked me if all this effort was really worth it.  My answer...yes.  At the end of the day, anything worth having is worth working for.  No one said that it would be easy, but it is definitely worth it.

My opinion may not matter much to anyone but me, but I hope that you are encouraged and hopeful about the prospect of true love...

They Don't Know About This Here...

I love my friends so much.  We've been friends for years and years and have shared so much with each other.  We've been each other's support and encouragement.  We've been present at the births of each other's children.  They are my girls...however...

I'm learning that I'm in a different place right now.  I'm getting married and have a special bond with my husband to be that no one can come between...not even my friends.  I know that they have the best of intentions and that they love me and don't want to see me hurt.  I know that a lot of the advice I receive from them is motivated by their experiences in previous or current relationships.  My Honey told me something that I hold on to every day...

He said, "this is me and you...just us".  That statement made me think about this song by Jon B.  I have got to get my friends out of my head and trust my man with my heart.  I can't expect him to do the time for the crimes that have been committed by others in my life.  They all moved out of the way for him. 

No one knows about what I'm experiencing with my man but me and him.  I'm learning that my relationship with mi Lechelito is sacred and I cherish every moment, even the uncomfortable ones.  I don't think it's a good idea to share issues that occur within my relationship with my friends.  I know that their intentions are good, but my Honey is not any of their exes either.  I'm not hateful or bitter about any of my past relationships, nor do I blame any of my exes for my decisions or current condition.  I had to learn about myself and what it is that I was willing to tolerate.  I had to decide what it is that I felt like I deserve in a relationship and how I want to be treated. 

I got everything that I want and I'm being treated the way I feel like I deserve to be treated by a man who loves me more than I could ever fathom...and it feels beautiful.  I love you Honey...

Learning About Myself

Happy Saturday Loves!!

I pray that you've had a magnificent holiday season and that your New Year is starting of in the most amazing way ever.  I've decided to use myself as the source of a teachable moment in helping you understand that love and being in love takes effort, but it's well worth it. 

Let me just start off by saying that I love my fiance with all my heart and soul.  He is the most amazing and incredible man that I've ever had the pleasure of spending time with.  I really don't believe that I'm saying this because I'm in love with him.  I'm saying it because it's true.  He always thinks of me...always.  He's sensitive to my needs and always seems to be a step ahead of me.  He knows what I'm thinking before I ever say a word.  He is quick witted and sarcastic and funny...really funny.  One of the things that I truly adore about him is that he pays attention...to EVERYTHING about me.  This dude doesn't miss a beat!  But I digress...

In spending so much time with my Love over the holidays, I've discovered that even though I thought I had done all that I could do to prepare for him, there are still some insecurities that had not become evident until now. 

Insecurity #1:  I need reassurance that he's still in love with me and that he loves me.  It's been my experience that people throw "love" around like they slingin' dice and that it really doesn't mean anything to them.  People will love you for the moment or when things are going well to them or for them, but the instant there's a hiccup in the relationship...it's over.  My love and I were talking and not exactly understanding each other at that moment.  He says, "I quit".  My heart sank and my mind was racing.  What does that mean?  Are we over before we ever had a chance to really get started?  Does he not love me anymore?  Is he tired of being with me? talking to me?  What does he mean by that?  Please understand that I'm a VERY analytical person and I think about what's being said and then disect the information and put it back together under a variety of scenarios.  The point?  He just wanted our heated conversation to end so that we could take time out and relax and try to understand each other better.

The lesson for me:  When he says something, it's not terminal.  It's not over nor is it the end of our world. 

Insecurity #2:  I'm afraid of messing up.  For some reason, I was an AIRHEAD with my Love over the holidays.  He would ask me basic questions and I would be like a deer in headlights.  I've never been like this before.  Example:  We were at a casino and I had just returned from the restroom.  Now, prior to me leaving for the restroom he told me that he would be "right here" when I came out.  Of course you know that I didn't see him when I came out and I looked around for him and didn't see him.  I was trying not to panic and looked for him.  Eventually I walk up to him sitting at a slot machine.  I told him that I thought he left me and he thought that was the most ridiculous statement.  "Why would I leave you?  I told you that I would be right here", he said in the most loving way as he gently kissed me.  Then he told me to pick a flower on the screen.  I just looked at him.  Then I looked at the screen...then I looked back at him.  He's waiting for me to pick, but I never did.  Seemingly a little frustrated, he ended up picking one but he couldn't understand why I had such a hard time choosing.  Honestly, I don't know why either.  My mind wasn't even engaged in what he was doing, but really?  My point?  I've carried the responsibility of every failed relationship in one way, shape, or form around with me.  I never knew that...until now.  I want to say the right thing, do the right thing, act the right way...because I don't want to lose him. 

The lesson for me:  Trust that he loves me and that he's committed to me.  Let him love me and rest in that love.  He's never given me a reason NOT to trust him or his love for me. 

Insecurity #3:  I've got a wall up because I'm afraid of being hurt...again.  This kinda goes along with the aforementioned insecurity, but I felt like this needed to be reiterated.  Everything is going so amazingly well and I love my fiance so much that it's almost scary.  This is truly a dream come true and I don't ever want to wake up.  I've never experienced anything like this before and to know that he loves me too almost makes it seem unreal too.  My point?  I've become so accustomed to disfunction that when something beautiful comes along, I almost don't even recognize it.  Love is amazing and beautiful...and so is he.

The lesson for me:  Let him in.  He's removing the bricks around my heart that I hadn't realized was there by showing me how much he loves me.  Trust our love and don't let previous relationships dictate how this relationship will be. 

I truly thought that I had grown past all my insecurities, but you really don't know what will happen until you enter a relationship with someone.  It's really easy to say how you'll be when you're single.  When you join forces with someone the thought process becomes a little different because you want the relationship to work.   My love told me something that I hadn't thought of before.  He said that learning each other is not about messing up or getting things right or wrong.  There is no right or wrong.  You learn about each other and still love that person because you chose that person. 

WOW...isn't he amazing? 

Ask Yourself...

Hello my Loves!!

If memory serves me correctly, my last "love" post was about preparing for love.  The first step to preparation is to be mentally open to the idea of finding the "right" one for you.  You've got to believe in love as well as know and understand that love is available to any and everybody who's open to receive it.  Then comes the self assessment...

Ah yes, the self assessment.  Asking yourself the "real" questions that only you can answer.  What are your beliefs?  What makes you happy?  What makes you smile?  How do you desire to be treated in a relationship?  This is the part where you are essentially getting to know YOURSELF.  If you don't know what makes you happy, how can you possible expect ANYBODY else to know?  You must, absolutely must know yourself and what you want from and for yourself.  You must learn and know what you're willing to tolerate.  You must learn how to compromise, and you must be willing to give of yourself. 

Two selfish people in a relationship doesn't work, nor does one selfish person.  There must be a certain level of selflessness between you and the other person that goes into a relationship in order for it to be successful.  Please understand...you and your partner will have to give of yourselves in order to have and maintain a successful relationship. 

As I type this commentary, I feel the need to clarify "selfish", because sometimes a little selfishness is necessary.  For example, I believe that "me" time is important in a relationship.  Your mate spends time with his friends and you spend time with your friends and AWAY from each other.  Being in a relationship doesn't necessarily mean being joined at the hip...it means sharing each other's world, loving each other, supporting one another, and always being there for that person.  Selfishness becomes a problem when you NEVER consider anybody but yourself in all aspects of the relationship.  That's just not cool. 

The aforementioned questions are just a few of the many questions that will lead to more questions that only you can answer for and about yourself, but they must be addressed in order for you to attain any level of success in a relationship.  Once you figure yourself out, the rest will be a breeze...

So my Loves, I would encourage you to write down what you like and what you don't like.  Continually ask yourself why...why you like or don't like something, why you need or don't need something/someone, etc.  This is the hardest part...I promise you, but you have got to know who you are, what you want, and what you need in order to get any of those things.  If you don't know, nobody else will either. 

Stay encouraged Lovies and know that love is truly out there for you...

Our Love is Stronger Than...

There is something to be said about the power of love.  When two people truly love each other, there's a bond that is unshakable and unbreakable.  No matter what (or who) tries to come between you and your love, there's a level of trust and strength that no one can break but the two of you. 

I learned a very valuable lesson recently about the power and strength of the love that my fiance and I share.  We've been tested, but we are committed to each other and love each other.  In the end, I have to focus on his actions and how incredible he is.  There's no doubt in my mind that he loves me and that he's IN love with me.  My honey is amazing and I love him so much. 

I just wanted to share a little more of my joy with the world...

Until next time, my loves!

Truly Amazing...

This song is the sum total of what I'm feeling all the time.  I'm absolutely amazed by the love that my fiance has for me and I'm so thankful for having him in my life.  I truly love him with all my heart and I believe that we are such a powerhouse couple!  His actions speak louder than his words, which constantly lets me know how much he loves me and how deeply he cares for me, and that too is truly amazing.

This kind of love I've only experienced in my dreams.  Someone who wants to learn me and understand me, and allows me to learn and understand him.  He loves the Lord and he loves his family.  He adores his mother, and he's so adorable and sweet.  His family is so inviting and kind to me, hospitable and welcoming.  The kind of people that you love to be around because they laugh and reminsce about their childhood and other fond memories. 

Summer 2012 is going to be an incredible summer for me...feeling all warm and fuzzy inside just thinking about it.  I can't help but smile when I think about him.  He's truly something unlike anything I've ever dealt with before...and I love it. 

Truly amazing...

Do You Believe in Love...?

Some of the most common statements that I hear are love just isn't out there,  all the good men are either gay or dead, or there are so many golddiggin' women out there that it's hard for a man to trust anybody. This one is my all time favorite, "Imma do me, the hell with love"!  There is something to be said about the power of thought.  The Bible gives countless scriptures concerning how powerful one's thoughts are and how they affect one's actions.  Proverbs 23:7 says, "For as he thinks in his heart, so is he" NKJV. One of my favorite quotes is from Dr. Wayne Dyer.  He says, "if you change the way you look at things, the things you look at will change". 

My first words of encouragement and advice: You GOTTA get your mind right!  You HAVE to believe in love and the promise that it gives (to coin a phrase from Jodeci). Your perceptions about love or lack thereof are what form your actions and reactions when meeting and interacting with people.  Now, I'm not expecting you to be SUPER positive about everything like I am...I'm just saying to be open to the possibility of meeting someone that could change your world for the better.  Love has no room for negativity, pessimism, meanness, hate, anger, frustration, and any other emotions that don't feel good. 

Love is patient, love is kind.  Love is amazing and wonderful.  Love is strong and resilient.  Love is nonjudgmental and heartwarming.  Love doesn't allow you to give up on a person just because he/she makes mistakes.  Love is treating others the way you would want to be treated, even when you don't feel like it.  Love is passionate and compassionate.  Love is timeless.  Love is beautiful and incredible.  Love is awesome!

So, once you answer the question, "do you believe in love?", then you'll be able be ready for the next step...the self assessment.  Asking yourself the hard questions and forcing yourself to come up with the answers.  These are questions that no one can answer but you, so be prepared to spend some time thinking and evaluating your thoughts and perceptions about love and what you truly want for yourself.  During this process you'll begin to see that there are something that no one else can GIVE you or DO for you. 

Stay tuned and stay encouraged!  Love is waiting for you.

Until next time, my loves!

Unable to Articulate...

As I sit here in my friend's condo on the 21st floor looking out the window at the most beautiful and amazing skyline in the world (to me), I can't help but think about how much I have to be thankful for.  This time of year is one of my most reflective times because I assess where I started from and how far I've progressed over the course of the year.  Did I achieve any of my goals?  What did I do right?  What would I have done differently?  I continually strive to be better than the year before, do things differently, make better choices, and be a blessing to everyone I meet.  2011 has been quite an amazing year for me, full of blessings and surprises...and true love. 

I still like I'm recovering from 2010 in a way because I had to deal with tragedy after tragedy for the first time in my life.  I lost people that were very close to me and I still think about them daily, but 2011 has been a year of new experiences both personally and professionally.  Things are falling into place both personally and professionally, and none of it is by my hands, but by the hands of God.  I believe that God has the best for me and that He will give me the desires of my heart.  I believe that the Lord hears my prayers and that He truly does have an amazingly wonderful expected end for me. 

As of today, this blog will be taking a new direction.  As of today, this blog will serve as inspiration and encouragement for those who are wanting love, waiting for love, and wanting to know what it'll take to meet and obtain their perfect mate.  Please notice that I said, "their" perfect mate, and not "the" perfect mate.  Being in a relationship is so much more than having someone to hang out with or have sex with.  There's a preparation process that must take place in order for you to be able to see things clearly, and make the right choices for you.  There's a level of obedience that must be exercised during this process, and the patience muscle will be getting a workout, building muscle and strength that will prepare you for the future.  Obtaining love is a process, and maintaining love is a process too.   I won't give you too much right now, but stay tuned for more information and encouragement.

I will give you these words in parting though.  Love is available to all who are open and willing to receive it, and it's out there for you.  Be encouraged and stay inspired, and always believe in love!

Until next time...

He Waited For Me...

God is so amazing that my words can't possibly express His goodness.  He knows everything about me...my choices, my challenges, and yet He STILL holds me in the palm of His hand.  He has an expected end for me and will complete it to the day of Christ.  I'm in awe every day by His grace and mercy towards me.  He knows all...

I've been in relationship after relationship with people that just don't know how to love me.  I've experienced glimpses of love and affection, but nothing like what that of a man that has adored me since 1986.  We went to high school together and he was enamored with me since then.  Over the years, we've both had our share of failed relationships.  We both have yet to find the kind of love we both deserve.

Mark is incredible.  He's in the Army serving in Iraq right now, he working on his degree in HR management, and most importantly...he LOVES the Lord.  He loves the Lord!  That makes my heart sing just typing those words.  HE knows how to love me because he LOVES the Lord.  THAT'S the kind of man I desire. 

Someone who truly understands my relationship with Jesus Christ because he also has a relationship with Him.  He know how to treat me, how to handle me, and is a willing participant is a God centered relationship.  He makes me smile and now I'm ready for him.
It took 25 years, but God knew that we would be in this position.  Mark might have know too, but I'm here and ready for this kind of love.  He waited for me patiently, and I'm now ready.

I Promise I'll Make it UP to You...

Anyone who knows me knows that I love LOVE.  I believe in a wonderful relationship with that wonderful man that loves me unconditionally and adores me.  I want my heart to skip a beat when I see him or hear his voice.  I want to think about him and smile always.  I want a man to love me more than I love him...and that's a lot of love. 

It's so interesting to be in a relationship with a man that was wonderful during what I like to call the 90 probationary period.  You know, everything is wonderful when he's trying to get to know you and he assures you that he's different from all the other guys.  He treats you like a queen when you're with him and for some reason is able to make time for you, even though his life is hectic.  And then it happens...

The phone calls occur a little less, but he seems to have time to hold full conversations via text message.  He's not able to see you as much because he's "got so much going on".  When I inquire about when I can see him, he responds in a frustratedly annoyed tone as if to insinuate that I'm nagging him.  "It's not you, it's me" is what he tells me.  "I promise I'll make all this up to you", he says.

My question is...how long do you expect me to wait?

I STILL Have Faith in Love

I've been confused by recent events in my love life, but I'm grateful for the experiences.  I've been dating a wonderful man, who evidently has a lot going on.  We talk all the time, he sends me romantic text messages, he sends me songs indicating his affection for me...just romantic.  And then it happened...

What happened?  I have no idea!!  Usually, I send him a good morning text every morning and he responds with words of affection and bliss.  The same thing happens at night...I send him a good night text, and he sends me wishes of sweet dreams and beautiful rest.  Everything was lovely on Tuesday morning.  Wednesday he appeared to be very short with me via text.  I say, "Good morning Superman"!  He says, "good morning".  No term of dearment, no sending you candy coated kisses, nothing.  Please understand that we've been doing this every morning and night for the past 4.3 months.  Thursday I say, "good morning Honey"!  He says, "good morning".  I ask if he's okay and he says that he's fine and asks me how I am.  I tell him that I'm fabulous, that I miss him, and asked him if he was mad at me.  His response, "yep".  Huh?  I ask why and he said that we'll talk about it later.  That was on Thursday morning.

We usually talk every day during his lunch when he's working, but I didn't call him this time because he said that he was mad at me, and I know how I am when I'm mad.  I need my space until I'm ready to talk, but I don't have a long cool down period.  I tried to be understanding and not call him, plus I haven't done anything for him to be mad at me.  I know in my heart that I haven't done anything...seriously. 

I decided this morning to send him a text and give him a call indicating that I have no clue about what's going on and why he's mad at me, but if his lack of communication with me is his intended message, then I got it loud and clear.  If not, then I would appreciate a call back.  What's funny is that I really want things to work out with us, but I know that I deserve better than this.  There's too much to do for me to be going through any unnecessary emotional drama.  I deserve the best that life has to offer, and I deserve to be loved by someone who is able to articulate his thoughts, even though it may be tough.  We can work through anything if we just continue to communicate with each other.

I still have faith in love and believe that my love is out there somewhere waiting for me.  Part of me wants it to be with him though.  I care about him a lot, but I care about myself just as much.  I love being in a relationship, but I love being single too.  I'm okay either way.  I just want to be happy.

Men Come and Go, but Carmen is Forever...

Today I had an opportunity to talk to one of my closest friends in the whole entire world...Carmen.  She was one of the first people I met in the Navy after bootcamp when I arrived at my duty station in Port Hueneme, CA.  We were 19 years old when we met, and we've been friends since 1989.

Carmen and I have been through everything from pregnancies to marriages and everything in between...together.  We've seen our share of ups and downs in each others' lives, and through it all we've always been there for each other.  I think Carmen is a permanent part of me.

I've come to a conclusion...men may come and go, but Carmen is forever.  No matter what goes on in my life, or what man comes in and out of my life.  Carmen has always been there for me to comfort me, tell me how it really is, and let me know that she's always by my side.  I love my friends, and she's truly my friend and my sister.

The Essence of Me

Recent events that have occured in my life have provoked me to take a step back and look at myself and what I stand for.  Who am I and what is it that I really believe in?  What makes me tick and why?  What are my core beliefs?  I recently got into a verbal altercation with someone who, in my opinion, had the nerve to question my christianity.  She considers herself a Christian as well, and her statement to me really shook me to my core...and it really bothered me.  I began to question myself.  Why did her statement bother me so much?

"And you call yourself a Christian".  I must admit that the statement really, REALLY pissed me off.  I had people tell me, "Girl, that's just the devil.   Don't pay her any mind"!  That may be true, but I still wanted to know why it bothered me so much.  I know that she may not have understood my decision, but I had to do what was best for me.  It was the right decision at the time.  She expressed how disappointed she was in how I handled things, and I must admit that I probably could have handled the situation differently.  In my mind, the outcome would still be the same.

I began to think about one of my favorite songs...Simply Redeemed by Isaac Caree.

I am a Christian,
Do you know what that means?
That means I'm far from perfect,
Simply redeemed.
Bought with a purpose...
Purchased by love.
It's not a form of religion, but a gift from above.
I am not perfect...no, but I have been redeemed.

I cry every time I hear this song because it speaks to the essence of me.  The fact of the matter is that I do love the Lord, and even though I make mistakes or choices that may not be conducive to everyone else's life or standards for me, my Heavenly Father still loves me and has an expected end for me.

I believe in treating people the way I want to be treated, and giving everyone a chance.  I trust you until you prove yourself to be untrustworthy, and still love you anyway.  I love to help people and it is my goal to be a blessing to every person I come in contact with.  In my heart I know that I was a blessing to this person just as much as she's been a blessing for me. 

I guess what bothered me the most is the fact that she really spoke to me like she was a BETTER person than me.  She expected me to be understanding and empathetic to her circumstances, but was unwilling to do the same for me.  At the end of the day, I've asked for forgiveness and have accepted the fact that me and this person might never be on speaking terms again.  I can't make anyone forgive me...that's between her and the Lord.

Reality Check

I had the opportunity to talk to a really good friend and fellow blogger.  She told me something that I already knew, but I definitely needed to hear it..."you've got to be consistent".

These words cut me to the core because I say that to my self all the time, but there's something about someone else telling you.  I haven't been consistent in certain areas in quite some time, which provokes me to ask myself the all important question.  How important is it to me?  Making a commitment to myself is something that I hadn't done or considered...until now. 

Part of me doesn't think that what I have to say is important to anybody but me, but isn't that enough?  Am I not important enough to share my thoughts and get into the habit of writing more?  The answer to both questions is yes.  I am important and I am enough, and if no one reads or visits my blog I know that I've met my commitment to myself. 

Thank you Nettie Boo Boo for being my friend and checking me.  Thank you for believing in me even when I sometimes don't believe in myself.  "You got this", is what she always tells me and you know what?  I do...I got this.

I can show you better than I can tell you, so stay tuned.

Until Next Time...

Long Time...No Blog

It has been far too long since the last time i wrote on my blog, and I must say that I miss it.  There has been so much going on that I haven't really taken the time to put update my thoughts.  Part of the reason is because I don't think that many people are interested in what I have to say.  That is a temporary mindset, however, and I quickly return to the mentality that I have plenty to share with the world. 

This entry will be short and sweet, but one of many that I will continue to submit for your reading pleasure.

Until next time...

Sharing My World

Every morning I wake up, my goal is to be a blessing to each and every person I encounter throughout the course of my day.  I smile every morning because I'm so grateful for another opportunity to smile at someone else during the day.  I feel like in some small way, a smile from me blesses someone else.

I love my job and thoroughly enjoy going to work each and every day.  I work with students all day long and it makes my heart happy to see these little faces on a daily basis.  Helping them understand information and being emotionally available to them is important to me because children need to know that learning is awesome and that there are teachers in the world that absolutely love what they do.  My world is enhanced greatly because of my students.

Love has found me...true love.  It's the most amazing thing I think I've ever experienced in my life and I'm so happy.  I'm finally at a place in my life where I can truly be myself and not have to worry about how I'm received by the other person.  I'm free to love the way I was designed to love and he receives me with all his heart and soul...amazing.  Absolutely amazing.

I'm completely in awe of how God moves and works in my life.  There's a boldness and confidence that comes along with freedom.  Freedom from worry and concern about what other people think and say.  Freedom from self doubt.  There is liberty in love...true love. 

Thank you Jesus, that finally I'm free...

WOW...I've done it again...

Well, I've done it again...

I want so badly to keep my blogs going but stuggle with finding the proper inspiration to do it.  I struggle with what to say and how to say it, even though I have so much I feel like I can share with the world.  There have been some wonderful updates in my life that I'd love to divulge, however, I'm not sure how to share it, when to share it, or even if I should share my world via blog at all.

What in the world should I do?  How do I maintain this blog?  I want to share what's in my heart, but I'm not sure if it should just go into a book...or my dear blog?

I'm just emptying my head of some of my thoughts right now...

Black History Month

February is one of my favorite months of the year.  I know that sounds so weird to say, but I'm a huge fan of Black History Month.  It used to bother me that black history gets the shortest month of the year, but I'm not limited to one month of learning about my heritage.  African Americans have such a rich history, especially in the United States of America.  


I love learning tidbits of information that most people don't know about the amazing contributions of Black people to these united states.  So, each day I'll share with the world all kinds of historical information about my people...Black people.


I'm ethnocentric, yeah I know.  I have love for all people...ESPECIALLY Black people!


So, on this day (01 February) in Black history:


1902:  Langston Hughes, one of my FAVORITE authors, was born.


1926:  Carter G. Goodson aka the Father of Black History, succeeded with all his efforts to have Negro History Week.  He started his fight in 1915, and wanted it to be in February because he felt that it would pay homage to and honor the birthdays of two people whom he felt had dramatically affected the lives of African Americans, Abraham Lincoln and Frederick Douglas. 


1976:  Black History MONTH begins!!


I don't want to overload you with TOO much Black history, but this is a great start to learning something new.  Be proud of who you are...I know I am!  


Come back tomorrow to see what happened on that day in Black history!  Stay inspired!!

Proud Meredith Angel

Anyone who knows me knows that I love Meredith College.  No seriously...I absolutely LOVE Meredith College!  I've had some of the best experiences of my life at this private female college in Raleigh, NC and I want the world to understand that I'm so proud to be an Angel.

Tonight, I had the privilege of attending the first event for the Class of 2008.  15 of us gathered at the Alumni House and ate, laughed, reminisced, and spoke about the current heartbeat of the campus.  We shared concerns about the current climate and conditions of the campus, inquired about what we could do to improve the current state of affairs, and stressed the importance of alumni support.

Meredith College is an amazing place for women to become global citizens, study abroad, and become leaders in business, technology, and changing the world for the better.  The faculty and staff are supportive and appreciate the fresh ideas and passion that Meredith students and alumna possess.  Current and former students alike become intertwined as they prepare for and participate in Meredith traditions, and engage in healthy competitions between the even and odd graduating classes.   

I learned something special tonight.  I learned a lesson in giving, not just monetarily, but in investing my time and talents in a plethora of ways in an effort to help Meredith College maintain it's strong and competitive place amongst private female colleges in the state of North Carolina and beyond.  I've learned that the hearts of the Angels that I had fellowship with tonight are pure and genuine, and I'm proud to be a Meredith Angel.

I'll be doing a lot more for the college I love so much, and I would encourage my fellow class of 2008 alumna to do the same.  It only takes a moment and Meredith College would only benefit from our support.  I'm thankful for the experiences and opportunities that Meredith College has allowed me to have, and so pleased to see that there is lots of love for this amazing educational institution.

 

Disappointed in Myself

It's been a little while since I've posted to this blog and honestly, I don't really have an excuse for it.  I'm maintaining a teaching blog where I'm preparing Spanish lessons, but this blog is supposed to be the heartbeat of my writing experience.  I'm writing a book and this blog is supposed to help prepare me.


I've successfully completed the 21 day Daniel fast, yet I don't feel successful.  The fast was supposed to be so much more than no meats, no sweets, and no dairy...it was supposed to be my platform to catapult me into the next level of prayer with my Savior.  I feel like I've completely pissed away the experience and opportunity to maximize the full effects of fasting.  


One good thing that came out of the fasting experience is the way I see food now.  A month ago, I would have told you that my sweet tooth rules my life.  Now I can honestly say that I don't see sweets the same way.  I still really enjoy them, but not having them for 3 weeks has made me see that I can survive a day without chocolate.  


Food was a source of comfort for me, my go to, problem solving solution for stress, depression, anxiety, and anything else that life would decide to throw my way.  My life is not without challenge and fasting has helped me realize that food is my source of fuel and that my Father is my source for everything else.  Eating never solved my problems...if anything it compounded them.  Sweets and junk food were my vices for being lazy and ultimately becoming depressed about my situation.  I was still frustrated and going through the challenges of life, only this time with the Lord as my sweet satisfaction.


I still feel like I'm on the brink of something great and honestly, I don't even feel like it's too late for me to tap in the blessings of God.  I want to be consistent.  Every day, without fail, do the things I'm supposed to do and trust in the Lord with all my heart...EVERY day.  What's stopping me?  Who's stopping me?


I am...


Thankfully, the Lord sees fit for me to see another day.  Another opportunity to get things right and get it together.  As I type these words, I think about the song by Kanye West and Jay Z, Going H.A.M., and that's exactly what I have to do with everything in my life.  I've gotta go hard ALWAYS.  No excuses, no pity parties...just go harder ever and expect greatness.  I expect greatness, and getting mad at myself only motivates me to do better because I don't want to stay the person I am.  I want to be a woman of integrity and a woman after God's heart.  Greatness...it's my destiny.