Mr. You Might Do

Hello Loves!!

It's the weekend and a 3 day weekend for me.   What do I plan on doing?  Reflecting on my experiences and sharing with you, of course! 

I had a conversation with a friend of mine recently and she was commenting on how excited she was for me.  We hadn't seen each other for a while and had the opportunity to catch up.  She SAID that she was excited for me, but her voice and tone reminded me of the guy who does the Clear Eyes commercials.  It was very dry and monitone.  She shared with me that she didn't think that she would ever find the kind of love I'm experiencing right now.

I asked her this..."what would be your ideal man"?  Her response was interesting to me because her whole tone and attitude changed.  She began to say what he better have and what he better do.  She expressed that under no uncertain terms would she tolerate this or that and practically demanded that he be a specific height, weight, and build.  Then I asked her, "and if Mr. You Might Do were to come along, do you think that YOU would be the candidate he select to get to know?"  "Whatchu mean?", she asked with an attitude in her tone.  You know the tone I'm talking about...the eyes rolling, teeth sucking attitude that some women get when you say something that they don't necessarily agree with.  I said, "you have all these requirements and standards and guidelines...don't you think that he would too?  Do you actually think that if your ideal guy were to come along that you would be the one he wants to get to know"?  "I got a lot to offer a man!", she said with a touch of hostility.  I don't doubt that  however...

I'm learning that not everything you think you have to offer a man may not be what he necessarily NEEDS.  Everyone has certain ways that they perceive love based on their personal experiences, how they grew up, etc.  For example, you may believe that the way to a man's heart it through his stomach until you encounter the guy who eats for sustinance, not for enjoyment.  What will you do then?  How will he perceive your love for him if he's not into food the way you are? 

I'm learning that it really doesn't matter how you show your love for someone, but how the other person PERCEIVES love from you.  That perception of love is very important and should be analyzed and taken into account when getting to know someone.  We must learn how to speak the language of love and understand that what works for you doesn't necessarily work for someone else. 

My friend told me that I gave her a lot to think about.  I explained that she had to be open and receptive to the idea of love, and then begin to ask herself the tough questions.  I also informed her that being hostile about all the wrongs that have been done to her in the past isn't the best way to begin a new relationship.  I suggested that she use her past relationships to answer some of the tough questions and really assess what it is that she really wants.  She asked me if all this effort was really worth it.  My answer...yes.  At the end of the day, anything worth having is worth working for.  No one said that it would be easy, but it is definitely worth it.

My opinion may not matter much to anyone but me, but I hope that you are encouraged and hopeful about the prospect of true love...

They Don't Know About This Here...

I love my friends so much.  We've been friends for years and years and have shared so much with each other.  We've been each other's support and encouragement.  We've been present at the births of each other's children.  They are my girls...however...

I'm learning that I'm in a different place right now.  I'm getting married and have a special bond with my husband to be that no one can come between...not even my friends.  I know that they have the best of intentions and that they love me and don't want to see me hurt.  I know that a lot of the advice I receive from them is motivated by their experiences in previous or current relationships.  My Honey told me something that I hold on to every day...

He said, "this is me and you...just us".  That statement made me think about this song by Jon B.  I have got to get my friends out of my head and trust my man with my heart.  I can't expect him to do the time for the crimes that have been committed by others in my life.  They all moved out of the way for him. 

No one knows about what I'm experiencing with my man but me and him.  I'm learning that my relationship with mi Lechelito is sacred and I cherish every moment, even the uncomfortable ones.  I don't think it's a good idea to share issues that occur within my relationship with my friends.  I know that their intentions are good, but my Honey is not any of their exes either.  I'm not hateful or bitter about any of my past relationships, nor do I blame any of my exes for my decisions or current condition.  I had to learn about myself and what it is that I was willing to tolerate.  I had to decide what it is that I felt like I deserve in a relationship and how I want to be treated. 

I got everything that I want and I'm being treated the way I feel like I deserve to be treated by a man who loves me more than I could ever fathom...and it feels beautiful.  I love you Honey...

Learning About Myself

Happy Saturday Loves!!

I pray that you've had a magnificent holiday season and that your New Year is starting of in the most amazing way ever.  I've decided to use myself as the source of a teachable moment in helping you understand that love and being in love takes effort, but it's well worth it. 

Let me just start off by saying that I love my fiance with all my heart and soul.  He is the most amazing and incredible man that I've ever had the pleasure of spending time with.  I really don't believe that I'm saying this because I'm in love with him.  I'm saying it because it's true.  He always thinks of me...always.  He's sensitive to my needs and always seems to be a step ahead of me.  He knows what I'm thinking before I ever say a word.  He is quick witted and sarcastic and funny...really funny.  One of the things that I truly adore about him is that he pays attention...to EVERYTHING about me.  This dude doesn't miss a beat!  But I digress...

In spending so much time with my Love over the holidays, I've discovered that even though I thought I had done all that I could do to prepare for him, there are still some insecurities that had not become evident until now. 

Insecurity #1:  I need reassurance that he's still in love with me and that he loves me.  It's been my experience that people throw "love" around like they slingin' dice and that it really doesn't mean anything to them.  People will love you for the moment or when things are going well to them or for them, but the instant there's a hiccup in the relationship...it's over.  My love and I were talking and not exactly understanding each other at that moment.  He says, "I quit".  My heart sank and my mind was racing.  What does that mean?  Are we over before we ever had a chance to really get started?  Does he not love me anymore?  Is he tired of being with me? talking to me?  What does he mean by that?  Please understand that I'm a VERY analytical person and I think about what's being said and then disect the information and put it back together under a variety of scenarios.  The point?  He just wanted our heated conversation to end so that we could take time out and relax and try to understand each other better.

The lesson for me:  When he says something, it's not terminal.  It's not over nor is it the end of our world. 

Insecurity #2:  I'm afraid of messing up.  For some reason, I was an AIRHEAD with my Love over the holidays.  He would ask me basic questions and I would be like a deer in headlights.  I've never been like this before.  Example:  We were at a casino and I had just returned from the restroom.  Now, prior to me leaving for the restroom he told me that he would be "right here" when I came out.  Of course you know that I didn't see him when I came out and I looked around for him and didn't see him.  I was trying not to panic and looked for him.  Eventually I walk up to him sitting at a slot machine.  I told him that I thought he left me and he thought that was the most ridiculous statement.  "Why would I leave you?  I told you that I would be right here", he said in the most loving way as he gently kissed me.  Then he told me to pick a flower on the screen.  I just looked at him.  Then I looked at the screen...then I looked back at him.  He's waiting for me to pick, but I never did.  Seemingly a little frustrated, he ended up picking one but he couldn't understand why I had such a hard time choosing.  Honestly, I don't know why either.  My mind wasn't even engaged in what he was doing, but really?  My point?  I've carried the responsibility of every failed relationship in one way, shape, or form around with me.  I never knew that...until now.  I want to say the right thing, do the right thing, act the right way...because I don't want to lose him. 

The lesson for me:  Trust that he loves me and that he's committed to me.  Let him love me and rest in that love.  He's never given me a reason NOT to trust him or his love for me. 

Insecurity #3:  I've got a wall up because I'm afraid of being hurt...again.  This kinda goes along with the aforementioned insecurity, but I felt like this needed to be reiterated.  Everything is going so amazingly well and I love my fiance so much that it's almost scary.  This is truly a dream come true and I don't ever want to wake up.  I've never experienced anything like this before and to know that he loves me too almost makes it seem unreal too.  My point?  I've become so accustomed to disfunction that when something beautiful comes along, I almost don't even recognize it.  Love is amazing and beautiful...and so is he.

The lesson for me:  Let him in.  He's removing the bricks around my heart that I hadn't realized was there by showing me how much he loves me.  Trust our love and don't let previous relationships dictate how this relationship will be. 

I truly thought that I had grown past all my insecurities, but you really don't know what will happen until you enter a relationship with someone.  It's really easy to say how you'll be when you're single.  When you join forces with someone the thought process becomes a little different because you want the relationship to work.   My love told me something that I hadn't thought of before.  He said that learning each other is not about messing up or getting things right or wrong.  There is no right or wrong.  You learn about each other and still love that person because you chose that person. 

WOW...isn't he amazing? 

Ask Yourself...

Hello my Loves!!

If memory serves me correctly, my last "love" post was about preparing for love.  The first step to preparation is to be mentally open to the idea of finding the "right" one for you.  You've got to believe in love as well as know and understand that love is available to any and everybody who's open to receive it.  Then comes the self assessment...

Ah yes, the self assessment.  Asking yourself the "real" questions that only you can answer.  What are your beliefs?  What makes you happy?  What makes you smile?  How do you desire to be treated in a relationship?  This is the part where you are essentially getting to know YOURSELF.  If you don't know what makes you happy, how can you possible expect ANYBODY else to know?  You must, absolutely must know yourself and what you want from and for yourself.  You must learn and know what you're willing to tolerate.  You must learn how to compromise, and you must be willing to give of yourself. 

Two selfish people in a relationship doesn't work, nor does one selfish person.  There must be a certain level of selflessness between you and the other person that goes into a relationship in order for it to be successful.  Please understand...you and your partner will have to give of yourselves in order to have and maintain a successful relationship. 

As I type this commentary, I feel the need to clarify "selfish", because sometimes a little selfishness is necessary.  For example, I believe that "me" time is important in a relationship.  Your mate spends time with his friends and you spend time with your friends and AWAY from each other.  Being in a relationship doesn't necessarily mean being joined at the hip...it means sharing each other's world, loving each other, supporting one another, and always being there for that person.  Selfishness becomes a problem when you NEVER consider anybody but yourself in all aspects of the relationship.  That's just not cool. 

The aforementioned questions are just a few of the many questions that will lead to more questions that only you can answer for and about yourself, but they must be addressed in order for you to attain any level of success in a relationship.  Once you figure yourself out, the rest will be a breeze...

So my Loves, I would encourage you to write down what you like and what you don't like.  Continually ask yourself why...why you like or don't like something, why you need or don't need something/someone, etc.  This is the hardest part...I promise you, but you have got to know who you are, what you want, and what you need in order to get any of those things.  If you don't know, nobody else will either. 

Stay encouraged Lovies and know that love is truly out there for you...

Our Love is Stronger Than...

There is something to be said about the power of love.  When two people truly love each other, there's a bond that is unshakable and unbreakable.  No matter what (or who) tries to come between you and your love, there's a level of trust and strength that no one can break but the two of you. 

I learned a very valuable lesson recently about the power and strength of the love that my fiance and I share.  We've been tested, but we are committed to each other and love each other.  In the end, I have to focus on his actions and how incredible he is.  There's no doubt in my mind that he loves me and that he's IN love with me.  My honey is amazing and I love him so much. 

I just wanted to share a little more of my joy with the world...

Until next time, my loves!

Truly Amazing...

This song is the sum total of what I'm feeling all the time.  I'm absolutely amazed by the love that my fiance has for me and I'm so thankful for having him in my life.  I truly love him with all my heart and I believe that we are such a powerhouse couple!  His actions speak louder than his words, which constantly lets me know how much he loves me and how deeply he cares for me, and that too is truly amazing.

This kind of love I've only experienced in my dreams.  Someone who wants to learn me and understand me, and allows me to learn and understand him.  He loves the Lord and he loves his family.  He adores his mother, and he's so adorable and sweet.  His family is so inviting and kind to me, hospitable and welcoming.  The kind of people that you love to be around because they laugh and reminsce about their childhood and other fond memories. 

Summer 2012 is going to be an incredible summer for me...feeling all warm and fuzzy inside just thinking about it.  I can't help but smile when I think about him.  He's truly something unlike anything I've ever dealt with before...and I love it. 

Truly amazing...

Do You Believe in Love...?

Some of the most common statements that I hear are love just isn't out there,  all the good men are either gay or dead, or there are so many golddiggin' women out there that it's hard for a man to trust anybody. This one is my all time favorite, "Imma do me, the hell with love"!  There is something to be said about the power of thought.  The Bible gives countless scriptures concerning how powerful one's thoughts are and how they affect one's actions.  Proverbs 23:7 says, "For as he thinks in his heart, so is he" NKJV. One of my favorite quotes is from Dr. Wayne Dyer.  He says, "if you change the way you look at things, the things you look at will change". 

My first words of encouragement and advice: You GOTTA get your mind right!  You HAVE to believe in love and the promise that it gives (to coin a phrase from Jodeci). Your perceptions about love or lack thereof are what form your actions and reactions when meeting and interacting with people.  Now, I'm not expecting you to be SUPER positive about everything like I am...I'm just saying to be open to the possibility of meeting someone that could change your world for the better.  Love has no room for negativity, pessimism, meanness, hate, anger, frustration, and any other emotions that don't feel good. 

Love is patient, love is kind.  Love is amazing and wonderful.  Love is strong and resilient.  Love is nonjudgmental and heartwarming.  Love doesn't allow you to give up on a person just because he/she makes mistakes.  Love is treating others the way you would want to be treated, even when you don't feel like it.  Love is passionate and compassionate.  Love is timeless.  Love is beautiful and incredible.  Love is awesome!

So, once you answer the question, "do you believe in love?", then you'll be able be ready for the next step...the self assessment.  Asking yourself the hard questions and forcing yourself to come up with the answers.  These are questions that no one can answer but you, so be prepared to spend some time thinking and evaluating your thoughts and perceptions about love and what you truly want for yourself.  During this process you'll begin to see that there are something that no one else can GIVE you or DO for you. 

Stay tuned and stay encouraged!  Love is waiting for you.

Until next time, my loves!