Feeling Overwhelmed

Happy New Year!!  


I'm fighting back tears as I write this because I have so much I want to say but I don't know where to begin.  I had a pretty decent 2010, but I know that the best is yet to come.  I've dealt with tragedy for the first time in my life and it really hurts.  I lost both of my grandmothers and one of my sisters within 6 months.  I miss my paternal grandmother more than words could ever express and cling to her memories like a security blanket.  I was devastated by the death of my sister, Keeya, because it was unexpected.  I hold on to the fact that no matter what, God is STILL good and I totally believe that He who has begun a good work in me will continue it until the day of Christ.  He has amazing things in store for me.


I guess I feel overwhelmed because I allowed myself to become stagnant and lazy over these past couple of weeks.  I'm inspired to do more and say more, but there's so much to do (and say) that it overloads my mind and I just shut down.  I try to keep myself inspired, but sometimes I need help.  I think that it would really help me if I could blog from my blackberry.  That way, I could type my thoughts immediately and not have to wait for my laptop to boot and go through its processes.  I don't always have my journal with me to write my thoughts down either.  


I'm going harder than ever for 2011, because I want more from myself and God is expecting more from me too.  What I've been doing is no longer the norm...no longer acceptable.  I've taken  the first step by blogging my thoughts and sharing my experiences with the world today. I have joy, frustrations, excitement, trauma, and drama (although most of it is not my own...lol) to share with the world.  I have a story to tell, lots of stories to tell and all of them speak of my journey and how I've evolved into the woman I am today.  


As I unload my mind, enjoy the ride.  You will laugh...you will cry...lol  I know it sounds cliche, but it's the truth.  I'll be as raw and uncensored and the Lord will allow me to be, all the while knowing that there's always a lesson infused within the story itself. 


I've also begun to get my house in order, metaphorically and physically.  I'm purging my closets and files and setting myself free from my past.  If I want to move forward I've got to stop dragging some of the crap from my past with me every year.  It's really time to step my game up and be bolder than I've every been before.  


Thank you Lord for revelation knowledge.  Thank you for allowing me to see another day and another year.  You are so worthy of  all the praise and glory, honor and adoration.  May the reader of this entry be blessed beyond all they could ever imagine.  Meet them where they are Lord, and help them draw closer to You.  Amen. 

Don't Try to Play Me

There are very few things that I don't tolerate very well.  I don't like it when people take for a pushover just because I'm a nice person.  I don't like it when people think that I don't have any sense and talk as if THEY are the only one's with intellect.  One of my biggest pet peeves, my BIGGEST pet peeves is people who try to take advantage of resources for their own personal gain.


There is something to be said about telling the truth.  I believe that people genuinely have a desire to help their fellow man if they know the truth.  I don't appreciate the malicious intent of others for the purposes of getting what THEY want.  Selfishness really has no place in most instances and selfish people usually end up looking at themselves and seeking the forgiveness from others.  


I really want to help everybody if I can, but I don't like being made a fool of.  It's not cool and you ultimate get little to nothing from me but a warm smile and a prayer.


Lord, please help me discern the malicious intent of others.  Help me to act in love at all times despite the intentions of others and to govern myself in Christ likeness at all times.  Bless the reader of this blog post and may they increase their desire to have your Presence in their lives daily.  Amen

Mustard Seed Faith

After 5 months of work in the mental health field, I've been officially laid off due to the elimination of my position.  Actually, it's a blessing because there was no position when I interview at this awesome company.  A friend of mine had an interview and talked about me to the director during his interview.  He leaves the interview and calls me on his way to the car to tell me to call and set up an interview.  I interview and get hired because I'm bilingual and the director is a visionary.  He looks at the future and the big picture.


I thoroughly enjoyed working for this amazing company and loved going to work every day.  I love working with people and had the opportunity to go out into the community and make an impact on people one person at a time.  Sadly, however, I was asked to leave because the company was trying to save money and felt like eliminating my job would help them achieve that objective.


God is so good, so awesome, that I couldn't be mad or bitter.  I was happy and maintained my usual silly demeanor.  I walk by faith and not by sight.  I know that if the birds of the air don't worry about what they're gonna wear or eat, how much more does the Lord love me.  After all, He did send His only begotten Son to die on the cross for my sins.  I'm so thankful for everything...the experiences I've had working for this company, the people I've met, and the relationships that have been established because I was invited to be part of an organization that operates with integrity and compassion for each other and the populations they serve.


For the first time in my life, I've truly got the peace that passes all understanding.  I'm literally not worried about anything.  The Word says to try Him...test Him.  I've lived my life thus far doing everything BUT trusting in Him completely.  I've tried none of God, some of God, a little bit of God, half of God, but never 110% sold out no matter what for the Lord.
I tell people that I've literally become a ride or die chick for Christ.


He's doing something amazing in my life and it's not bad at all.  I don't know what it is or where it's taking me, but I do know that as long as I have the Lord, I can't go wrong.  I'm excited about this journey and my newfound freedom.


Thank you Father for this experience and Your Word.  Thank you for sending Your Son to die for me.  I stand on Your Word daily and praise You continually.  You are awesome and worthy of all the praise and glory, honor and adoration.  Hallellujah!