Mr. You Might Do

Hello Loves!!

It's the weekend and a 3 day weekend for me.   What do I plan on doing?  Reflecting on my experiences and sharing with you, of course! 

I had a conversation with a friend of mine recently and she was commenting on how excited she was for me.  We hadn't seen each other for a while and had the opportunity to catch up.  She SAID that she was excited for me, but her voice and tone reminded me of the guy who does the Clear Eyes commercials.  It was very dry and monitone.  She shared with me that she didn't think that she would ever find the kind of love I'm experiencing right now.

I asked her this..."what would be your ideal man"?  Her response was interesting to me because her whole tone and attitude changed.  She began to say what he better have and what he better do.  She expressed that under no uncertain terms would she tolerate this or that and practically demanded that he be a specific height, weight, and build.  Then I asked her, "and if Mr. You Might Do were to come along, do you think that YOU would be the candidate he select to get to know?"  "Whatchu mean?", she asked with an attitude in her tone.  You know the tone I'm talking about...the eyes rolling, teeth sucking attitude that some women get when you say something that they don't necessarily agree with.  I said, "you have all these requirements and standards and guidelines...don't you think that he would too?  Do you actually think that if your ideal guy were to come along that you would be the one he wants to get to know"?  "I got a lot to offer a man!", she said with a touch of hostility.  I don't doubt that  however...

I'm learning that not everything you think you have to offer a man may not be what he necessarily NEEDS.  Everyone has certain ways that they perceive love based on their personal experiences, how they grew up, etc.  For example, you may believe that the way to a man's heart it through his stomach until you encounter the guy who eats for sustinance, not for enjoyment.  What will you do then?  How will he perceive your love for him if he's not into food the way you are? 

I'm learning that it really doesn't matter how you show your love for someone, but how the other person PERCEIVES love from you.  That perception of love is very important and should be analyzed and taken into account when getting to know someone.  We must learn how to speak the language of love and understand that what works for you doesn't necessarily work for someone else. 

My friend told me that I gave her a lot to think about.  I explained that she had to be open and receptive to the idea of love, and then begin to ask herself the tough questions.  I also informed her that being hostile about all the wrongs that have been done to her in the past isn't the best way to begin a new relationship.  I suggested that she use her past relationships to answer some of the tough questions and really assess what it is that she really wants.  She asked me if all this effort was really worth it.  My answer...yes.  At the end of the day, anything worth having is worth working for.  No one said that it would be easy, but it is definitely worth it.

My opinion may not matter much to anyone but me, but I hope that you are encouraged and hopeful about the prospect of true love...

They Don't Know About This Here...

I love my friends so much.  We've been friends for years and years and have shared so much with each other.  We've been each other's support and encouragement.  We've been present at the births of each other's children.  They are my girls...however...

I'm learning that I'm in a different place right now.  I'm getting married and have a special bond with my husband to be that no one can come between...not even my friends.  I know that they have the best of intentions and that they love me and don't want to see me hurt.  I know that a lot of the advice I receive from them is motivated by their experiences in previous or current relationships.  My Honey told me something that I hold on to every day...

He said, "this is me and you...just us".  That statement made me think about this song by Jon B.  I have got to get my friends out of my head and trust my man with my heart.  I can't expect him to do the time for the crimes that have been committed by others in my life.  They all moved out of the way for him. 

No one knows about what I'm experiencing with my man but me and him.  I'm learning that my relationship with mi Lechelito is sacred and I cherish every moment, even the uncomfortable ones.  I don't think it's a good idea to share issues that occur within my relationship with my friends.  I know that their intentions are good, but my Honey is not any of their exes either.  I'm not hateful or bitter about any of my past relationships, nor do I blame any of my exes for my decisions or current condition.  I had to learn about myself and what it is that I was willing to tolerate.  I had to decide what it is that I felt like I deserve in a relationship and how I want to be treated. 

I got everything that I want and I'm being treated the way I feel like I deserve to be treated by a man who loves me more than I could ever fathom...and it feels beautiful.  I love you Honey...

Learning About Myself

Happy Saturday Loves!!

I pray that you've had a magnificent holiday season and that your New Year is starting of in the most amazing way ever.  I've decided to use myself as the source of a teachable moment in helping you understand that love and being in love takes effort, but it's well worth it. 

Let me just start off by saying that I love my fiance with all my heart and soul.  He is the most amazing and incredible man that I've ever had the pleasure of spending time with.  I really don't believe that I'm saying this because I'm in love with him.  I'm saying it because it's true.  He always thinks of me...always.  He's sensitive to my needs and always seems to be a step ahead of me.  He knows what I'm thinking before I ever say a word.  He is quick witted and sarcastic and funny...really funny.  One of the things that I truly adore about him is that he pays attention...to EVERYTHING about me.  This dude doesn't miss a beat!  But I digress...

In spending so much time with my Love over the holidays, I've discovered that even though I thought I had done all that I could do to prepare for him, there are still some insecurities that had not become evident until now. 

Insecurity #1:  I need reassurance that he's still in love with me and that he loves me.  It's been my experience that people throw "love" around like they slingin' dice and that it really doesn't mean anything to them.  People will love you for the moment or when things are going well to them or for them, but the instant there's a hiccup in the relationship...it's over.  My love and I were talking and not exactly understanding each other at that moment.  He says, "I quit".  My heart sank and my mind was racing.  What does that mean?  Are we over before we ever had a chance to really get started?  Does he not love me anymore?  Is he tired of being with me? talking to me?  What does he mean by that?  Please understand that I'm a VERY analytical person and I think about what's being said and then disect the information and put it back together under a variety of scenarios.  The point?  He just wanted our heated conversation to end so that we could take time out and relax and try to understand each other better.

The lesson for me:  When he says something, it's not terminal.  It's not over nor is it the end of our world. 

Insecurity #2:  I'm afraid of messing up.  For some reason, I was an AIRHEAD with my Love over the holidays.  He would ask me basic questions and I would be like a deer in headlights.  I've never been like this before.  Example:  We were at a casino and I had just returned from the restroom.  Now, prior to me leaving for the restroom he told me that he would be "right here" when I came out.  Of course you know that I didn't see him when I came out and I looked around for him and didn't see him.  I was trying not to panic and looked for him.  Eventually I walk up to him sitting at a slot machine.  I told him that I thought he left me and he thought that was the most ridiculous statement.  "Why would I leave you?  I told you that I would be right here", he said in the most loving way as he gently kissed me.  Then he told me to pick a flower on the screen.  I just looked at him.  Then I looked at the screen...then I looked back at him.  He's waiting for me to pick, but I never did.  Seemingly a little frustrated, he ended up picking one but he couldn't understand why I had such a hard time choosing.  Honestly, I don't know why either.  My mind wasn't even engaged in what he was doing, but really?  My point?  I've carried the responsibility of every failed relationship in one way, shape, or form around with me.  I never knew that...until now.  I want to say the right thing, do the right thing, act the right way...because I don't want to lose him. 

The lesson for me:  Trust that he loves me and that he's committed to me.  Let him love me and rest in that love.  He's never given me a reason NOT to trust him or his love for me. 

Insecurity #3:  I've got a wall up because I'm afraid of being hurt...again.  This kinda goes along with the aforementioned insecurity, but I felt like this needed to be reiterated.  Everything is going so amazingly well and I love my fiance so much that it's almost scary.  This is truly a dream come true and I don't ever want to wake up.  I've never experienced anything like this before and to know that he loves me too almost makes it seem unreal too.  My point?  I've become so accustomed to disfunction that when something beautiful comes along, I almost don't even recognize it.  Love is amazing and beautiful...and so is he.

The lesson for me:  Let him in.  He's removing the bricks around my heart that I hadn't realized was there by showing me how much he loves me.  Trust our love and don't let previous relationships dictate how this relationship will be. 

I truly thought that I had grown past all my insecurities, but you really don't know what will happen until you enter a relationship with someone.  It's really easy to say how you'll be when you're single.  When you join forces with someone the thought process becomes a little different because you want the relationship to work.   My love told me something that I hadn't thought of before.  He said that learning each other is not about messing up or getting things right or wrong.  There is no right or wrong.  You learn about each other and still love that person because you chose that person. 

WOW...isn't he amazing?