For the first time since teaching at this high school, I feel like I want to go home and never come back. It's not any one thing or another, but a compilation of events that have occured in recent weeks that makes me feel like this is not the place for me. I love the students, but there are definitely other dynamics that make me just want to walk away from all of this.
As a person, I have no gray area...I'm either nice or a bitch, I either like you or I don't. It really takes a lot for me NOT to like a person, unless I get some sort of negative vibe from them. As a teacher, I'm the same way. I'm really nice and thus far, my students haven't really seen any other side of me. I don't feel like it's necessary to act like a bitch to anybody unless provoked, but tonight, I'm really feeling some kind of way about being here.
I've tried on numerous occasions to get certain students to calm themselves down. Turn your music down, put your headphones in, take that phone call outside, watch your language, control yourself...These all seem to be the issues I have with my students. Part of me not only feels the blatant disrespect from my fellow teacher, but from some of my students. From my students, it may not be intentional, but from my fellow teacher I feel like it is. I'll be confronting him tonight.
On the other hand, my students consume my thoughts on a regular basis. I want the best for them and love to do all kinds of things for them. I'm already planning what I'm gonna do for Halloween (which I just realized is next week), and I've got some ideas for what I want to do for them for Thanksgiving and Christmas too. I have all kinds of plans for them and constantly want to show them that I care about them as people as well as academically. I need to figure out how to be more effective with them academically though. Somehow I've got to encourage a learning environment for them and make learning fun for them. Seems kinda hard to do that when it's all computer based learning.
The students have truly expressed how much they love me and want me to stay. In my heart, I want to stay because I love them too.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Monday, October 19, 2009
A diary for Grama
Today is Day 1 for my Grama, who underwent chemo and radiation treatments, and was diagnosed with Stage 3 rectal cancer about 3 weeks ago. My heart was so happy today because she was able to talk to me on the phone. My Grama and I have a very special relationship, and she holds a special place in my heart.
Grama is my father's mother and I'm very special to her because I'm not only the first grandchild, but the first granddaughter. She's always been a prayerful, church going, God fearing woman, and would always talk to me about the Bible and how good God has been to her. She's always been the strong, matriarchal figure of the family. She bore 7 children and raised them all in the very house that she still resides in today. She took care of Grampa until the day he died, and has kept the family together with lots of love and prayer.
It's very strange to see my grandmother in such a vulnerable position, as she's always been extremely self-sufficient and able to not only take care of herself, but of anybody else that needed care. She'd open her home up to the kids and grandkids on vacations and holidays, and make sure we were always taken care of.
Something so small has turned into something that seems to be bigger than all of us, and has changed the inner workings of my family forever. There was something going on to where Grama felt like she could try to take care of her medical issues herself using old Southern remedies that she was taught as a child. Those old school remedies weren't working and she had to get not only a doctor involved, but the rest of the family. She had been telling people that everything was fine and that the doctor was giving her a good bill of health during her appointments. It wasn't until my Aunt Marion received a hysterical phone call from Grama, who had just been informed by her doctor that she needed a blood transfusion immediately. WHAT!!
That was the beginning of what would forever change our family. It's been one escapade after another with Grama and the family trying to understand what the heck was really going on and trying to get to the bottom of why she needed a blood transfusion. I love my Grama and am glad to know that today was a good day. Every day I will give an account of her progress and share my private world with the rest of the world.
Glad you had a great day today, Grama. I love you.
Grama is my father's mother and I'm very special to her because I'm not only the first grandchild, but the first granddaughter. She's always been a prayerful, church going, God fearing woman, and would always talk to me about the Bible and how good God has been to her. She's always been the strong, matriarchal figure of the family. She bore 7 children and raised them all in the very house that she still resides in today. She took care of Grampa until the day he died, and has kept the family together with lots of love and prayer.
It's very strange to see my grandmother in such a vulnerable position, as she's always been extremely self-sufficient and able to not only take care of herself, but of anybody else that needed care. She'd open her home up to the kids and grandkids on vacations and holidays, and make sure we were always taken care of.
Something so small has turned into something that seems to be bigger than all of us, and has changed the inner workings of my family forever. There was something going on to where Grama felt like she could try to take care of her medical issues herself using old Southern remedies that she was taught as a child. Those old school remedies weren't working and she had to get not only a doctor involved, but the rest of the family. She had been telling people that everything was fine and that the doctor was giving her a good bill of health during her appointments. It wasn't until my Aunt Marion received a hysterical phone call from Grama, who had just been informed by her doctor that she needed a blood transfusion immediately. WHAT!!
That was the beginning of what would forever change our family. It's been one escapade after another with Grama and the family trying to understand what the heck was really going on and trying to get to the bottom of why she needed a blood transfusion. I love my Grama and am glad to know that today was a good day. Every day I will give an account of her progress and share my private world with the rest of the world.
Glad you had a great day today, Grama. I love you.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Finally living BELOW my means
I really hesitate on sharing this information with the world but I feel comfortable with putting it on my blog. It's really personal and I have to tell the whole story in order for things to make sense. Let me just say that I'm pleased with my persistence and diligence to have a better quality of life for myself and my family. I love my babies so much and I really just want the best for them. Everything I do is not just for me, but for them.
We've finally moved into a new place and it's really, REALLY affordable. It's a nice size for my son and I (and Kingston, of course) and I know that it's better for us in the long run. More on the long run in a later post. I believe that for the first time, I'll be living below my means and will actually have money to save towards my greater goal. More details on my greater goal in a future text.
Kingston really likes it because he has lots of room to run and play, and going outside for him is always an adventure. Our previous living situation was bearable to say the least, however, it served its purpose for what we needed at the time. I'm not very proud of the fact that we resided at the Budget Suites for about 5 1/2 months, but I did what I had to do to provide a roof over our heads and a safe place to stay. It was also very important to me that we kept Kingston. Kingston has become a BIG part of my life and I don't know what I would do without him. He's such an awesome dog and very sweet.
I can't say that I've made the best decisions in my life, but I don't have any regrets about anything I've done. I'm determined to have a better quality of life and be happy doing something that I truly enjoy doing. I don't feel the need to tolerate foolishness on a job because that doesn't contribute to my overall well being. I believe that everything happens for a reason and that for whatever time you spend at a particular place in the history of your life, there was a devine purpose for the experience and a lesson to be learned.
Thank you to all Walgreens and all the other employers that played a part in providing wages for me to make it through one of the roughest times I've experienced in a long time. Thank you for all the experiences and tolerences that I've had to deal with and the personal grown I've gained because of them. I truly appreciate the time spent, new people that I've had the pleasure of working with, and the lessons about myself and what I want out of the only life I have. I'm stronger, tougher, and a whole hell of a lot wiser because of the lessons I've received.
I'm happily and eternally grateful.
We've finally moved into a new place and it's really, REALLY affordable. It's a nice size for my son and I (and Kingston, of course) and I know that it's better for us in the long run. More on the long run in a later post. I believe that for the first time, I'll be living below my means and will actually have money to save towards my greater goal. More details on my greater goal in a future text.
Kingston really likes it because he has lots of room to run and play, and going outside for him is always an adventure. Our previous living situation was bearable to say the least, however, it served its purpose for what we needed at the time. I'm not very proud of the fact that we resided at the Budget Suites for about 5 1/2 months, but I did what I had to do to provide a roof over our heads and a safe place to stay. It was also very important to me that we kept Kingston. Kingston has become a BIG part of my life and I don't know what I would do without him. He's such an awesome dog and very sweet.
I can't say that I've made the best decisions in my life, but I don't have any regrets about anything I've done. I'm determined to have a better quality of life and be happy doing something that I truly enjoy doing. I don't feel the need to tolerate foolishness on a job because that doesn't contribute to my overall well being. I believe that everything happens for a reason and that for whatever time you spend at a particular place in the history of your life, there was a devine purpose for the experience and a lesson to be learned.
Thank you to all Walgreens and all the other employers that played a part in providing wages for me to make it through one of the roughest times I've experienced in a long time. Thank you for all the experiences and tolerences that I've had to deal with and the personal grown I've gained because of them. I truly appreciate the time spent, new people that I've had the pleasure of working with, and the lessons about myself and what I want out of the only life I have. I'm stronger, tougher, and a whole hell of a lot wiser because of the lessons I've received.
I'm happily and eternally grateful.
I'm in a very pensive mood...
Oh, how I've missed you, Dear Blog! I have a lot on my mind and that means that I have a lot to talk about. I love the experiences of my life because they all help mold and shape me into a better person. My mind is literally overwhelmed with thoughts and my fingers can't seem to type fast enough. Where do I begin? What topic do I want to pour out onto my blog today? This may be why I really need to write on my blog EVERY day. I have a good reason for not writing on it though, I promise.
One of the first thoughts that comes to mind is my status at the high school that I work for. I don't seem to have the respect that I really feel I deserve as an educator because I don't have my certification...yet. I'm currently studying for my state certification in Spanish, however, the treatment that I receive from some of my co-workers is pretty amazing. It really kinda puts me in the mindset of the Jim Crow era, not just because I'm African American and my counterparts are Anglo, but the subtle nuances that I experience when dealing with certain individuals makes me thankful for being a powerhouse. I already know that I'm a triple threat because I'm female, black, and biligual. I'm fully aware that I'm highly desirable in almost every sector and have lots of flexibility.
I really engage my students in conversation and love to hear what they have to say. It's really interesting to hear their viewpoints on life and certain situations. I sit with the students at lunch, bring them snacks, and try to make sure that they have what they need to get their work done. Tonight during dinner break, my students expressed why they think I'm experiencing such "hate" from my co-worker. I was told that it's because of jealousy. I further inquired about their opinion and they indicated that I was one of the coolest teachers that the school has seen in a while and that all the students love me. I wasn't quite sure how to take that.
It's so good to be loved...
One of the first thoughts that comes to mind is my status at the high school that I work for. I don't seem to have the respect that I really feel I deserve as an educator because I don't have my certification...yet. I'm currently studying for my state certification in Spanish, however, the treatment that I receive from some of my co-workers is pretty amazing. It really kinda puts me in the mindset of the Jim Crow era, not just because I'm African American and my counterparts are Anglo, but the subtle nuances that I experience when dealing with certain individuals makes me thankful for being a powerhouse. I already know that I'm a triple threat because I'm female, black, and biligual. I'm fully aware that I'm highly desirable in almost every sector and have lots of flexibility.
I really engage my students in conversation and love to hear what they have to say. It's really interesting to hear their viewpoints on life and certain situations. I sit with the students at lunch, bring them snacks, and try to make sure that they have what they need to get their work done. Tonight during dinner break, my students expressed why they think I'm experiencing such "hate" from my co-worker. I was told that it's because of jealousy. I further inquired about their opinion and they indicated that I was one of the coolest teachers that the school has seen in a while and that all the students love me. I wasn't quite sure how to take that.
It's so good to be loved...
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
You BETTER Not Leave Right Now, Ms. Sample
"You better not leave right now, Ms. Sample. I'm serious!" My student, Monique, is one of several of my students who share that same sentiment. The don't want me to make any sudden moves with regards to my career and my future at this school. I must admit that hearing that makes me smile because I feel like I've really positively impacted these students.
Monique is one of the sweetest and cutest students and holds a special place in my heart. In the short time that I've gotten to know her, she's let me know how glad she is that I've come to this school and that I'm the only positive is something that's seemingly so negative. She's really working hard to pursue her education and she's committed to achieving that goal. She's very focused determined to get out of high school to provide a better quality of life for herself. She loves her family and you gotta love that.
Shaunda, Monique's friend, is also a sweetie, who is supposed to be having her first child any day now. She's still pregnant and her baby is very stubborn. She was due on October 3rd, however, she's in good spirits and is patiently awaiting the arrival of her bouncing baby boy. I had the opportunity to talk to her via text message tonight and she's doing well. I call her baby Tyrone...lol
My students are a constant reminder of why I do this job. I adore all of them and my heart breaks for the students that don't take their education seriously. I really do want the best for them and hope that in some small way, I've impacted their lives in the same way that they've impacted mine.
Monique is one of the sweetest and cutest students and holds a special place in my heart. In the short time that I've gotten to know her, she's let me know how glad she is that I've come to this school and that I'm the only positive is something that's seemingly so negative. She's really working hard to pursue her education and she's committed to achieving that goal. She's very focused determined to get out of high school to provide a better quality of life for herself. She loves her family and you gotta love that.
Shaunda, Monique's friend, is also a sweetie, who is supposed to be having her first child any day now. She's still pregnant and her baby is very stubborn. She was due on October 3rd, however, she's in good spirits and is patiently awaiting the arrival of her bouncing baby boy. I had the opportunity to talk to her via text message tonight and she's doing well. I call her baby Tyrone...lol
My students are a constant reminder of why I do this job. I adore all of them and my heart breaks for the students that don't take their education seriously. I really do want the best for them and hope that in some small way, I've impacted their lives in the same way that they've impacted mine.
Out of the Loop
Tonight has been quite an informative night, not only for my students, but for me as well. I teach the Computer Based Education class during evening high school in Tempe, AZ. Basically, the students come to school for attendance purposes to do computer based courses on their own. The teacher is here to supervise and assist the students in whatever courses that they need assistance in. The computer gives them a grade at the end of reviews, quizzes, and even gives midterm and final exams.
Because the courses are given during the evening, there must be two teachers on staff. Our attendance tends to be so large during the evening school that the classes are split between myself and the other teacher. Somehow, Mr. Shelley, the other night school teacher has been informed of the changes to the grading policy that will be taking place school wide. He comes into my classroom to inform the students of the changes. My first thought was, "Damn, maybe I'm not really considered a teacher at this school. What do I have to do to be informed about the goings on with my students and in the school?" There may be some other underlying issues that I need to address with my presence at this institution.
I'm in a very contemplative mood right now and feel like I'm at a place of making decisions about how I'll continue to govern myself while I continue to work here and pursue my education to better advance my career. This is my first school and therefore a stepping stone for me to build up the experience I need to construct a powerful teaching resume. The bottom line is that I'm just not in the mood for bullshit and I don't appreciate the lack of respect for my passion and craft. The students love me...or so I'm told, however, the administration doesn't seem to appreciate me outside of being the "reliable one".
I really just need to focus on my goals and stick to my grind...and woosah, woosah!
Because the courses are given during the evening, there must be two teachers on staff. Our attendance tends to be so large during the evening school that the classes are split between myself and the other teacher. Somehow, Mr. Shelley, the other night school teacher has been informed of the changes to the grading policy that will be taking place school wide. He comes into my classroom to inform the students of the changes. My first thought was, "Damn, maybe I'm not really considered a teacher at this school. What do I have to do to be informed about the goings on with my students and in the school?" There may be some other underlying issues that I need to address with my presence at this institution.
I'm in a very contemplative mood right now and feel like I'm at a place of making decisions about how I'll continue to govern myself while I continue to work here and pursue my education to better advance my career. This is my first school and therefore a stepping stone for me to build up the experience I need to construct a powerful teaching resume. The bottom line is that I'm just not in the mood for bullshit and I don't appreciate the lack of respect for my passion and craft. The students love me...or so I'm told, however, the administration doesn't seem to appreciate me outside of being the "reliable one".
I really just need to focus on my goals and stick to my grind...and woosah, woosah!
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Some of my students are BOLD!!
I'm not sure if I want to call this bold or crazy, but I've had the most interesting conversation with some of my students this evening about their piercings. One of my students recently got his tongue pierced...and he did it HIMSELF! He then informed me that he also pierced his own lip too. Another one of my students then informs me that she did her own piercings too. She said that she pierced her nose. As I stood at their table looking at them in utter amazement, ANOTHER student tells me that she pierced her lip AND her navel. Not only did she pierce herself, one of her friends wanted their navel pierced and she did that one too!
Now, as I'm listening to them explain to me the process by which they conducted such mutilations, my inquisitive mind inquired about why. My most flamboyant student, who happens to be homosexual, informed me that he would rather do his own piercings and spend the money he would have used towards something else. I was almost afraid to inquire about what he would actually spend that money on. He didn't hesitate to tell me that he likes to take risks. The adventurous side of me can really appreciate a risky endevour, however, there's something to be said about doing something that could be potentially dangerous to the body and cause all kinds of infection.
His tongue is now swollen from the tongue piercing, which is normal. I just hope that his body doesn't react in any adverse ways to his tongue. All I can say is wow...
WOW!
Now, as I'm listening to them explain to me the process by which they conducted such mutilations, my inquisitive mind inquired about why. My most flamboyant student, who happens to be homosexual, informed me that he would rather do his own piercings and spend the money he would have used towards something else. I was almost afraid to inquire about what he would actually spend that money on. He didn't hesitate to tell me that he likes to take risks. The adventurous side of me can really appreciate a risky endevour, however, there's something to be said about doing something that could be potentially dangerous to the body and cause all kinds of infection.
His tongue is now swollen from the tongue piercing, which is normal. I just hope that his body doesn't react in any adverse ways to his tongue. All I can say is wow...
WOW!
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Reconnections are priceless...
I've had the opportunity to reconnect with wonderful people from my past and I'm so glad the we've been able to engage in conversation. Anybody who knows me knows that I love my friends deeply and do everything I can to show them all the time. I do everything from sending daily texts to making weekly calls to them. I really want to get to the point where I'll just send them cards in the mail with the most recent pictures of the family and other little things that will physically show them that I think of them often. I'm so thankful for what God has blessed me with and that he's allowed me to love the way I do.
I just got off the phone with my mother, who had informed me that she took a 110 question assessment during a bible study class to see what her gifts and traits were. She told me that she scored the lowest on mercy. What blows my mind about this is the fact that my mother is studying theology and wants to be a church counselor or something. She has the compassion of a gnat and even less mercy. She has little to no patience with most people and anything that she would consider "foolishness". She's so comical to me because she's seemingly the complete opposite of what a pastor teaches on Sunday morning to his/her congregation.
I'm not really sure where I get my patience and love for people from because it's certainly not from my mother. She's never been really affectionate towards me or anybody else for that matter. Working with others requires quite a bit of patience and self control, especially when it comes to one's attitude. My mother doesn't exactly think outside the box when it comes to the consideration of others. She doesn't really care about what a person has been through before they encounter her and her reaction is usually a mirror of the person she's dealing with at the time.
Lord, please help the church folk that will be dealing with my mother. Not many people have the patience or the wherewithall to handle her abrasive nature and therefore many people don't really understand her. Help my mother to see things through optimistic lenses instead of the pessimistic ones she sports regularly. Help her to be gracious with her tongue and courteous as well. Smooth out her abrasive nature in exchange for lovingkindness and a smile.
I love you, Mom. You are too funny...
I just got off the phone with my mother, who had informed me that she took a 110 question assessment during a bible study class to see what her gifts and traits were. She told me that she scored the lowest on mercy. What blows my mind about this is the fact that my mother is studying theology and wants to be a church counselor or something. She has the compassion of a gnat and even less mercy. She has little to no patience with most people and anything that she would consider "foolishness". She's so comical to me because she's seemingly the complete opposite of what a pastor teaches on Sunday morning to his/her congregation.
I'm not really sure where I get my patience and love for people from because it's certainly not from my mother. She's never been really affectionate towards me or anybody else for that matter. Working with others requires quite a bit of patience and self control, especially when it comes to one's attitude. My mother doesn't exactly think outside the box when it comes to the consideration of others. She doesn't really care about what a person has been through before they encounter her and her reaction is usually a mirror of the person she's dealing with at the time.
Lord, please help the church folk that will be dealing with my mother. Not many people have the patience or the wherewithall to handle her abrasive nature and therefore many people don't really understand her. Help my mother to see things through optimistic lenses instead of the pessimistic ones she sports regularly. Help her to be gracious with her tongue and courteous as well. Smooth out her abrasive nature in exchange for lovingkindness and a smile.
I love you, Mom. You are too funny...
Friday, October 2, 2009
The Turning of a Page, The Beginning of a New Chapter
Today is a big day for me in the Sample household. Today is the day that we move from the dump we live in currently into an apartment that's cute yet affordable. It's just enough big enough for my son, my dog, and me. This is definitely the beginning of a new improved chapter in my life, where I'm on a quest for spiritual and financial freedom. I'm in desperate need of a break and I'm taking steps to receive my breakthrough.
The details are really too personal for me to divulge at this time. Maybe because I'm still working on the bridge needed to be built to get over some of the circumstances, however, part of it may just be because I'm just not ready to share this particular aspect of my life with world. It will, however, be fully disclosed in my book..;-)
I'm so ready for the best of things to happen in my life because I think that the timing couldn't more perfect than it is right now. I'm at a different place in my life than I was a year ago and my outlook and perspective have changed for the better...I think. I'm more calm and more patient. I've learned how to stretch a dollar further than I've ever had to stretch it before and I've learned what I can and cannot live without.
I've also learned just how deeply I love. I love my friends and my family deeper than words could ever describe. I love the little things in my life...like the way my puppy gets so excited to see me no matter what, or how my friends from Walgreens send me random text messages or Facebook posts to let me know that I'm on their minds. I guess the biggest lesson I've learned is that no matter how bad life seems to be, the little things make it a little better.
Life, and God are both so good!
The details are really too personal for me to divulge at this time. Maybe because I'm still working on the bridge needed to be built to get over some of the circumstances, however, part of it may just be because I'm just not ready to share this particular aspect of my life with world. It will, however, be fully disclosed in my book..;-)
I'm so ready for the best of things to happen in my life because I think that the timing couldn't more perfect than it is right now. I'm at a different place in my life than I was a year ago and my outlook and perspective have changed for the better...I think. I'm more calm and more patient. I've learned how to stretch a dollar further than I've ever had to stretch it before and I've learned what I can and cannot live without.
I've also learned just how deeply I love. I love my friends and my family deeper than words could ever describe. I love the little things in my life...like the way my puppy gets so excited to see me no matter what, or how my friends from Walgreens send me random text messages or Facebook posts to let me know that I'm on their minds. I guess the biggest lesson I've learned is that no matter how bad life seems to be, the little things make it a little better.
Life, and God are both so good!
Thursday, October 1, 2009
This Room is Full of Negativity, Ms. Sample!
I teach night high school with another teacher that evidently wears his emotions on his sleeve. One of my students left his classroom to finish his work in MY classroom because there's too much negativity in the other class. This has sparked some interesting thoughts and conversations over the last few minutes and has provoked me to look at myself...once again.
Even when I'm upset I try not to take my negative emotions out on anybody else. I love my students and I feel the love daily from them also. I try to let them know that I would do just about anything in the world to help them be better people, but I must admit that they do have a tendency to grate one's nerves. Even in an angered state, I do my very best to keep a cool head and a diplomatic tongue.
My class is lively and fun, however, sometimes it can be a little out of control. With a little guidance and an abrasive tone, the students tend to recognize when they've approached a limit by which they may experience more restrictive consequences IF they don't calm themselves.
My goal is to be the absolute best teacher that this high school has ever seen and I love the fact that my students love to be in my class. I am, however, working on gaining a little bit more control in the classroom and setting boundaries for the students in an effort to promote respect and self discipline. The classroom is a blueprint of the real world as well. In life, students will deal with all types of people and personalities. At some point, they must develop the skills to be able to effectively problem solve, get along with others in adverse circumstances, and most of all, learn how to be the bigger and better person.
I think what I appreciate the most is that at least one of my students feels that they can come into my class room and feel positivity. I'm on the right path and my hope is that I continue to improve.
Even when I'm upset I try not to take my negative emotions out on anybody else. I love my students and I feel the love daily from them also. I try to let them know that I would do just about anything in the world to help them be better people, but I must admit that they do have a tendency to grate one's nerves. Even in an angered state, I do my very best to keep a cool head and a diplomatic tongue.
My class is lively and fun, however, sometimes it can be a little out of control. With a little guidance and an abrasive tone, the students tend to recognize when they've approached a limit by which they may experience more restrictive consequences IF they don't calm themselves.
My goal is to be the absolute best teacher that this high school has ever seen and I love the fact that my students love to be in my class. I am, however, working on gaining a little bit more control in the classroom and setting boundaries for the students in an effort to promote respect and self discipline. The classroom is a blueprint of the real world as well. In life, students will deal with all types of people and personalities. At some point, they must develop the skills to be able to effectively problem solve, get along with others in adverse circumstances, and most of all, learn how to be the bigger and better person.
I think what I appreciate the most is that at least one of my students feels that they can come into my class room and feel positivity. I'm on the right path and my hope is that I continue to improve.
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