Where do we go from here...

For some reason, I feel like I've hit an emotional rock bottom.  I understand that because I'm human, I'm prone to make mistakes and screw up more often than I really, truly care to admit.  I work hard to be the best Lennis I can be on a regular basis, no matter what type of crap I get handed.  I'm at a point where I feel like I'm at a crossroad with my relationship with the Lord.  Please understand me when I say that I LOVE THE LORD, however, I just don't understand what my role is in this life.

I try and try to do what's right (and I understand that even that can be a matter of interpretation), but will I ever catch a break?  I know that weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning, however, if a day is but a thousand years then it would stand to reason that I could be weeping for a long ass time...I'm just sayin.  Seriously, how long must I struggle and fight, the emotional fight of trying to remain positive when all I seem to be surrounded with is negativity? 

I guess if it wasn't for my damn determination, I'd be dead right now.  I'm experiencing inner conflict with myself and struggle with the decisions I've made to govern myself accordingly with regards to the various shit I seem to get myself into.  In any event, I'm still stronger and even more wiser than before and must guard my heart, bridle my tongue, and listen more carefully.  I must continue to fight the good fight of faith, because without it, I will SURELY die.  I must remain focused on the really important things in my life and do my best to create an optimal environment of love, friendship, and peace, and not waver from my own personal mission statement.  I don't really care about what other people think, because I always try to check myself before reacting to what has been said about me or done to me. 

I want to be the best Lennis I can possibly be, but I can't do it alone.  I need help...so I will continue to lift up mine eyes to the hills from whence cometh my help, for my help cometh from the Lord.  I truly believe that.  Maybe I'm going through all this crap because I'm being protected by the Lord.  It's possible that it could've been worse had it not been for the Lord.  I guess it's truly a matter of perception, but perception is such a tricky thing. 

Stay encouraged, Lennis and don't give up on yourself or your God.  He hears you...do you hear HIM?   hhmmm...