Feeling Overwhelmed

Happy New Year!!  


I'm fighting back tears as I write this because I have so much I want to say but I don't know where to begin.  I had a pretty decent 2010, but I know that the best is yet to come.  I've dealt with tragedy for the first time in my life and it really hurts.  I lost both of my grandmothers and one of my sisters within 6 months.  I miss my paternal grandmother more than words could ever express and cling to her memories like a security blanket.  I was devastated by the death of my sister, Keeya, because it was unexpected.  I hold on to the fact that no matter what, God is STILL good and I totally believe that He who has begun a good work in me will continue it until the day of Christ.  He has amazing things in store for me.


I guess I feel overwhelmed because I allowed myself to become stagnant and lazy over these past couple of weeks.  I'm inspired to do more and say more, but there's so much to do (and say) that it overloads my mind and I just shut down.  I try to keep myself inspired, but sometimes I need help.  I think that it would really help me if I could blog from my blackberry.  That way, I could type my thoughts immediately and not have to wait for my laptop to boot and go through its processes.  I don't always have my journal with me to write my thoughts down either.  


I'm going harder than ever for 2011, because I want more from myself and God is expecting more from me too.  What I've been doing is no longer the norm...no longer acceptable.  I've taken  the first step by blogging my thoughts and sharing my experiences with the world today. I have joy, frustrations, excitement, trauma, and drama (although most of it is not my own...lol) to share with the world.  I have a story to tell, lots of stories to tell and all of them speak of my journey and how I've evolved into the woman I am today.  


As I unload my mind, enjoy the ride.  You will laugh...you will cry...lol  I know it sounds cliche, but it's the truth.  I'll be as raw and uncensored and the Lord will allow me to be, all the while knowing that there's always a lesson infused within the story itself. 


I've also begun to get my house in order, metaphorically and physically.  I'm purging my closets and files and setting myself free from my past.  If I want to move forward I've got to stop dragging some of the crap from my past with me every year.  It's really time to step my game up and be bolder than I've every been before.  


Thank you Lord for revelation knowledge.  Thank you for allowing me to see another day and another year.  You are so worthy of  all the praise and glory, honor and adoration.  May the reader of this entry be blessed beyond all they could ever imagine.  Meet them where they are Lord, and help them draw closer to You.  Amen. 

Don't Try to Play Me

There are very few things that I don't tolerate very well.  I don't like it when people take for a pushover just because I'm a nice person.  I don't like it when people think that I don't have any sense and talk as if THEY are the only one's with intellect.  One of my biggest pet peeves, my BIGGEST pet peeves is people who try to take advantage of resources for their own personal gain.


There is something to be said about telling the truth.  I believe that people genuinely have a desire to help their fellow man if they know the truth.  I don't appreciate the malicious intent of others for the purposes of getting what THEY want.  Selfishness really has no place in most instances and selfish people usually end up looking at themselves and seeking the forgiveness from others.  


I really want to help everybody if I can, but I don't like being made a fool of.  It's not cool and you ultimate get little to nothing from me but a warm smile and a prayer.


Lord, please help me discern the malicious intent of others.  Help me to act in love at all times despite the intentions of others and to govern myself in Christ likeness at all times.  Bless the reader of this blog post and may they increase their desire to have your Presence in their lives daily.  Amen

Mustard Seed Faith

After 5 months of work in the mental health field, I've been officially laid off due to the elimination of my position.  Actually, it's a blessing because there was no position when I interview at this awesome company.  A friend of mine had an interview and talked about me to the director during his interview.  He leaves the interview and calls me on his way to the car to tell me to call and set up an interview.  I interview and get hired because I'm bilingual and the director is a visionary.  He looks at the future and the big picture.


I thoroughly enjoyed working for this amazing company and loved going to work every day.  I love working with people and had the opportunity to go out into the community and make an impact on people one person at a time.  Sadly, however, I was asked to leave because the company was trying to save money and felt like eliminating my job would help them achieve that objective.


God is so good, so awesome, that I couldn't be mad or bitter.  I was happy and maintained my usual silly demeanor.  I walk by faith and not by sight.  I know that if the birds of the air don't worry about what they're gonna wear or eat, how much more does the Lord love me.  After all, He did send His only begotten Son to die on the cross for my sins.  I'm so thankful for everything...the experiences I've had working for this company, the people I've met, and the relationships that have been established because I was invited to be part of an organization that operates with integrity and compassion for each other and the populations they serve.


For the first time in my life, I've truly got the peace that passes all understanding.  I'm literally not worried about anything.  The Word says to try Him...test Him.  I've lived my life thus far doing everything BUT trusting in Him completely.  I've tried none of God, some of God, a little bit of God, half of God, but never 110% sold out no matter what for the Lord.
I tell people that I've literally become a ride or die chick for Christ.


He's doing something amazing in my life and it's not bad at all.  I don't know what it is or where it's taking me, but I do know that as long as I have the Lord, I can't go wrong.  I'm excited about this journey and my newfound freedom.


Thank you Father for this experience and Your Word.  Thank you for sending Your Son to die for me.  I stand on Your Word daily and praise You continually.  You are awesome and worthy of all the praise and glory, honor and adoration.  Hallellujah!

Getting in the Habit

Habits are hard to break.  Personally, I believe that the aforementioned statement could be applied to both positive or negative habits.  As I look back over my Christian walk and steadily make the determination that I want to be Christ like, I've come to the realization that I have a lot of habits that just need to be broken. 

Some of them are little things like getting up EVERY morning without fail and eat breakfast before I leave the house.  I don't always eat breakfast and understand that this would be a good habit to establish, however, there are other habits that need to be broken BEFORE I can actually successfully accomplish this one.  I've become more lazy in recent years, partly due to my experiences while living in Phoenix, so getting up early enough to actual fix breakfast has become somewhat of a challenge.  I've actually traded one bad habit for a better one, however, it still affects my actions in the morning which prevent me from making breakfast.  I have begun to pray early in the morning...like around 3 am, and after I pray I go back to sleep.  Therein lies the problem.  

One of my biggest goals is to be a good steward over my money...ALL of it.  Not just the money I earn from my career, but also money earned from Sweet Samples and The Pampered Chef as well.  I want to be able to live comfortably without having to revamp a budget just to do things like go on vacation or help someone in need.  I'm not consistent with this habit and that really bugs me.  My heart's desire is to be better with my money, but with that comes a habit that I want so desperately to master always and forever...trusting the Lord.

Trusting in the Lord with ALL my heart and soul and leaning not unto my OWN understanding is my number 1, top priority goal.  The bible says that without faith it's impossible to please God.  Impossible?  Really, Lord?  The bible makes faith sound so easy, but when you've got bill collectors on your back, children to care for, a car to maintain, tithing, and all the other financial responsibilities, it almost seems impossible TO trust in the Lord with ALL your heart.   

Each day I've got to build myself upon my most holy faith, praying in the Holy Spirit, and trusting in the Lord with all, ALL my heart no matter what happens.  It's really difficult for me NOT to lean unto my own understanding because life has taught me that if I don't do things then things won't get done. It's scary as well though, because I don't know how or when my needs are going to be met.  I just have to trust and believe in the Lord my God. 

Someone told me today that praise fixes things.  I've been praising Him ever since she told me that.  Somehow I feel relieved in knowing that all my needs are met according to His riches in glory through Christ Jesus.   I feel relieved when I praise Him because I have so much to be thankful for.  I can almost feel the weight being lifted off me, the shackles being broken.  It makes me smile just thinking about it.  

Thank you Lord for all you've done, all you're doing, and all you're about to do in my life.  Thank you Father for being my Way maker and my Jehovah Jirah.  Thank you for never leaving me nor forsaking me.  Thank you for godly counsel from friends and co-workers.  Bless Your name, Father.  You are awesome and worthy of all the praise and glory, honor and adoration.  Hallellujah!

To Be Broken

I'm a pretty strong willed person.  I don't think that there's anything that I can't do and once my sights are locked on a goal, I won't stop until I reach or achieve that goal.  This works very well for me in the natural, however, not so much with the Lord.  


With the Lord I have to be submissive and obedient.  I have to trust in Him and not myself and  actually believe that someone other that me has my best interest at heart.  I have to wait on the Lord and be encouraged that even though He may not come when I want Him, He's always on time.  I have to reposition myself from the one in the driver's seat to the one being driven.  


This is a lot easier said than done and I know that people say it all the time..."God is faithful.  He's always on time".  It took me a while to truly understand God's timing because for a while I thought that I was the butt of God's jokes.  It wasn't until I realized that a lot of the decisions I was making was due to a lack of faith or impatience, and even lack of clarity of thought.  I've had to determine what is truly important to me and what I'm trying to accomplish.  When it's all said and done, I just want to be the woman that God created and purposed me to be.  


I've learned that I've blocked my own blessings and I haven't allowed the Lord to move in my life the way I say I want Him to.  I can't do things my way because, as my track record has proven, I don't know what I'm doing.  My disobedience has been my downfall on more than one occasion.  Finally, FINALLY, I'm ready to be elevated to a more substantial relationship with my Father.  I guess I'm just tired of trying to do things my way and always getting basically the same result, even though it may be different situations or scenarios.


I've come to the realization that I need the PRESENCE of the Lord...daily, all the time.  I need to commune with Him, allowing His presence to guide me.  I don't have a problem with being quiet or listening.  My problem has always being in control.  Life has taught me that if I want something done and done right, I have to do it myself.  Jesus is teaching me that if I wait on the Lord I will have renewed strength.  I will mount up on wings like an eagle that soars.  I will run and not be weary, walk and never faint...IF I wait on the Lord.  


So now, the diligence that He has infused in me will be used to seek His PRESENCE.  I've discovered that I can't live without it.  My heart's desire is to be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season.  Who's leaf shall not wither, and whatsoever I doeth (I made the scripture personal to me) shall prosper. (Psalm 1:3 KJV)  


Lord Jesus, show me in Your Word how to submit to Your Will and Your Way.  Break my will so that Your Will be made manifest in my life.  Help me to be Christ-like and obedient, humble and thankful.  Bless the reader and meet them where they are, Father.  You are the Author and Finisher of our faith.  You are holy and awesome.  Hallellujah!

Learning MY True Value

This weekend was absolutely amazing for me!  I had the opportunity to go to Fort Mill, SC to a women's conference at Morningstar Fellowship Church, where former television evangelists Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker created Heritage Ministries!  It was beautiful and unlike anything I had ever seen before in my life.  When you first walk into the church, you feel like you're walking into a convention center.  We walked down a short hallway and down the stairs into what looked like the main sanctuary.  There was another conference underway in that area, but the staff was very helpful and friendly, guiding us to the area where our women's conference was held.


As we exited the main sanctuary, we walked through an area that looks like Main St at Disneyworld or something, with shops and boutiques on either side of the "street", complete with street lights and benches and everything.  The church bookstore looked like Borders!  We go through some huge glass doors and continue down a long, beautiful hallway.  Mini Victorian style chandeliers hung from the ceiling as we made our way to the Dogwood Room.  The walls were painted sky blue and there were portraits that were larger than life with encouraging words or of Jesus Christ hanging from them.  I didn't realize where I was until I saw a oil painting of Tammy Faye Bakker on the wall in a cozy yet elegantly decorated corner.  I was so excited because I was expecting something amazing to take place that day...and the fact that I was in the church of the world renowned Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker!


The True Value of a Woman was the name of the conference and I must say that my life is forever changed and greatly impacted because of what I learned this weekend.  It was truly an eye opener to learn how the Lord truly sees me and values me as a woman.  I was so affected by the information that I purchased the cd set and am soaking the message into my spirit so that I can share what I've learned with every female I know.  I want all women to know that they are worth so much more than what they've been taught by their parents, in church, and in the media.  


God sees us as the END of creation, for nothing else was created after woman.  He truly did save the best for last.  How magnificent is that! 


Lord, bless the reader of this blog entry and help me to minister to everyone about the true value of a woman and how YOU esteem her as Your intimate creation.   Thank You for Your Word and the revelation knowledge that it brings, and thank You for letting me know through Your Word my worth.  In Your precious name I pray, amen.

Be Thankful for the Little Things

Every morning when I open my eyes the first thing I say is, "this is the day that the Lord has made and I WILL rejoice and be glad in it".  I'm truly thankful for the opportunity to see another day and to be able to work towards becoming the woman that God has predestined me to be.  I'm so grateful for the people in my life, the things that I've been able to acquire and accomplish, and the lessons I've learned.


There seems to be so many ungrateful people in the world.  It seems like people are always pissing and moaning about what they don't have, what should have been, could have been, blah, blah, blah.  I say that for all the things you feel like you're missing, take a look at all the things that you're NOT missing.  A friend of mine was telling me about a woman at the facility where she works, who had her legs wrapped in bandages and walked with a cane.  She had some sort of surgery and the bandages were part of the healing process.  Last week, the woman had gotten her bandages removed.  My friend had asked her how things were going and all she could do was talk about what she didn't have and what she wished she had.  My friend asked her if she could think of anything good in her life and the woman told her no.  My friend then pointed out that she noticed that her had her bandages removed and didn't have to walk with her cane anymore, and the woman's response was that she was tired of walking bent over...wow!


My friend and I laughed about that conversation, but we both said that it was so sad that she didn't see anything, not one thing positive in her life.  What an existence!  You're moving and breathing and even though it may not be the way YOU feel like you should or could be moving and breathing, the fact that you're able to do either is reason enough to rejoice and be glad.  Everything else is just a bonus!  I've seen both of my grandmothers go from vibrant and lively to bedridden in continuous pain.   I've seen people that are not able to move  and get out of bed with smiles on their faces that could like up the darkest of rooms.  


I guess my point to all of this is that your disposition is a matter of choice.  Everyone goes through things, but your outlook really does determine your outcome.  Dr. Wayne Dyer says that when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at will change.  If you don't believe us, then try it.  I encourage you to appreciate the little things that are so easily taken for granted.  When you add up all the little things that you typically take for granted, you'll soon discover that you have more than you realize.  There really is a lot to be thankful for if you just take the time to consider the alternative.  Even in the worst of situations, there is a positive experience somewhere infused within that particular journey.


Lord, I thank you for the person reading this and I pray that the reader of this blog will take time out to appreciated all the blessings that You've allowed them to experience.  Help them to be forever grateful for ALL that they have instead of focusing on all that they DON'T have.  I pray that they realize and understand that no matter how bad things seem that You are the Lifter of their heads and that they really are blessed.  Help them to see that the little things really do matter and are so easy to lose if they're not careful.  Bless each reader and help me to help them Father.  In Your precious name I pray, amen.

Getting Back to Basics

"Sometimes in order for you to move forward you've got to go back".  That sentence changed my life.  I've always been busy striving and pursuing something...better employment, my education, business ventures, love, you name it.  But in all my pursuits, somehow I lost sight of keeping things simple.  Thank you so much, Pastor Sarat, for showing me that it doesn't take a whole lot to truly be happy, if we just go back to the basics.

I was so busy chasing the things I desired to have in my life that I overlooked one basic principle..."in all my ways acknowledge HIM and He will direct my paths".  It took me a while to realize and submit to the fact that "they that wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up on wings like an eagle that soars.  They shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and never faint...".  The key is putting God first in EVERYTHING you do.  I know that sounds cliche, but it really is true.   Waiting doesn't imply that you just sit idly by and literally WAIT for God to do something, but instead it encourages you to be diligent in your pursuits while keeping things in perspective as well.   The Lord wants the best for us, but we must put Him at the head of everything, no matter how hard or easy it seems to be.   Sometimes this is easier said than done, but the key is that it can be done.

Be thankful for all that you have, from the movement of limbs to the food on your table, the vehicle in your driveway to the job allows you to provide and take care of your family.  Thank God for the good times and the bad times for every experience contributes to the development of your character.  Remember that the Lord desires to be number one in our lives.  He wants us to communicate with Him through prayer because that's when He can receive our undivided attention.  

"I will bless the Lord at ALL times and His praises shall continually be in my mouth.  My soul shall make her boast in the Lord, the humble shall hear thereof and be glad.  Magnify the Lord with me and let us exalt His name together, for we are His people and He desires all our praise.  Let everything that has breath praise the Lord".  

Thank you Lord for allowing me to share what's in my heart with the readers of my blog.  Bless them and meet them wherever they are.  Deliver them, save them, heal them, comfort them, oh Lord, for You know the needs and desires of the people.  Show me how to be a blessing and a mouthpiece to encourage the discouraged, and put a smile on a sad face.  Help me to help Your people, Lord.  You are awesome and mighty and I thank You in advance for all that You're about to do in the lives of all who read this posting.  In Your precious name I pray, amen.

Make it an incredible day today and stay inspired!

Walking in My Authority

Change isn't a bad thing, even though it doesn't always feel so good.  When you see every change as an opportunity to grow and learn from each experience, you begin to see that change is an awesome and wonderful thing.  The unknown is only as scary as we interpret it to be, but with faith all things are possible.  I know that sounds cliche, but it really is true.

I have had mustard seed faith, but it hasn't been until recently that I've discovered that I am truly destined to walk into my God given authority to take dominion over the desires of my heart.  To be quite honest, I've tried everything else and I'm worn down.  Worrying and stressing out doesn't seem to work, and the only thing that seems to keep me grounded is my faith in the Word of God.  I've also tried believing a little bit and trying to "help" God bless me .  That didn't seem to work either.

So alas, I've resolved to submitting to the Lord and trusting in Him with all my heart and not depending on my OWN understanding.  In all my ways acknowledge Him because HE will direct my paths or make my crooked ways straight.  I'm so thankful to have Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior that it's overwhelming.  Thank you Lord for loving me enough to send your only begotten Son to pay for my sins.  I'll never know the cost for my sins upon a cross...

One Step Closer to My Destiny

My previous blog post was a post of the frustration that I often experience when the people in my life are so consumed by all the negativity in their lives that it eventually begins to become painfully obvious to me that they are NOT happy.  I can't STAND negativity and often become agitated by those who are seemingly always pessimistic.  "Why do I care?", was the question posed within the blog.  I found my answer the very next day.

I set out on my quest to find a church home, and my search ended at Raleigh International Church.  From the moment I walked through the doors I knew my life would not be the same again.  The teens were the greeters and they were so happy and friendly to be in the House of the Lord that it made me happy to be there too!  Warm smiles and bright eyes welcomed me as I made my way into the sanctuary to participate in the praise and worship.  As I was lead to my seat by the usher, the members of the church were smiling and greeting me as soon as I made eye contact with them.  At my seat, I immediately joined in the praise and worship because I felt so comfortable there.  I raised my hands and sang, "My life is not my own, to you I belong.  I give myself to You."  As I sang the words of this song I experience a RHEMA moment...that moment when God speaks loud and clear to you.  There's no denying His voice or His presence.  Pastor Thornton says, "Maximize the rhema moments.  Your faith becomes increased in these rhema moments."

Various members of the church began to pray and speak in tongues, and one man spoke in French.  I don't speak any French, for Spanish is my love, however I understood EVERY word he uttered under the power of the Holy Spirit.  It was amazing!  We all got on our knees and began to pray and weep before God as His Word was prophesied DURING worship.  As I wept and prayed, I could literally feel the Lord's arms around me as I cried on His shoulder...almost like I had my head against His chest and was telling Him all that concerned me.  There was such an indescribable comfort and peace unlike anything I had ever experienced in my life.  It was at that moment, as the praise team sang, "We will never know how much it cost to see our sins upon a cross..." that I realized and finally understood that my life is truly not my own.  My very existence is ONLY due to the fact that Jesus Christ died on the cross for me.  What an amazing epiphany!  

I then heard testimonies of how God moved in various members lives and each testimony brought me to tears.  The pastor then approaches the pulpit to inform me that my "barrenness is only for a season".  As he proceeded with the lesson, I could feel deep within the wellspring of my belly the desires of my heart coming into fruition.  I could see my ideas taking shape and became so excited that I could hardly stand it.  For the first time in a long time, I felt like I had truly come home.  

As a first time visitor, I was announced and welcomed with tons of hugs and hand shakes.  I jumped at the opportunity to begin the process to become a member of the church, and immediately began thinking about how I could be a blessing to the church as well.  I'm ready for the awesome things that are coming my way and delight in the fact that my season of barrenness is over.  I make a declaration today to do all I can do to let God have His way in my life.  Nothing can stop me...

Barrenness for a season doesn't mean forever.  You are fruitful.  Don't let the fears and failures of the past determine your future because sometimes postponements are a part of God's plan.  Always remember and be confident in this very thing; that He that has begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ (Philippians 1:6)  God is good and wants you to have the desires of your heart.  I'm learning that you just have to trust Him.

Have a fabulous day today and stay inspired.

I Need Relief

Why do I care about things the way I do?  I really don't understand why I'm so concerned about others and how they feel.  I always have to make sure that the world is okay, but the caveat to that is that it NEVER reciprocates back to me.  Everyone reserves the right to be rude, selfish, cranky, moody, ignorant, and inconsiderate whenever the damn well feel like it.  Why do I have to be concerned about the "whys" of the world?

I guess the truth is that I don't know why I'm so accomodating.  Sometimes I wonder if it even benefits me to be this damn nice, but then I always hear the Word in my head...treat others the way you want to be treated.  I guess I'm just hard wired to give a damn...

Am I the only one though?

I Got a Feeling

There are so many ideas that flow through my mind at any given town that it's almost scary.  I have visions of things, ideas for products and improvements to products or services, as well as my own money making projects that I'd like to try.  I feel like there is something so awesome, so incredible that I better begin preparing myself for increase or I might just become overwhelmed if I'm not careful.  The very thought of my success coming into fruition is both exciting and frightening at the same time, but somehow I use the fright as motivation to work even harder than I've ever worked before.

I don't I've ever felt like this before and it's so exciting.  For the first time in my life, I'm plugging away at my life and not worrying about not having enough money or resources to get the things I need to get things done.  I'm not afraid to open my mouth and ask for help and let people see my vulnerable side.  I've finally learned that vulnerability is NOT a bad thing or anything to be ashamed of, but it actually shows one's openness and receptivity to accept assistance from others. 

Writing my first book really scares me because I have so many thoughts and memories that I don't know where to begin, but I have begun.  I'm very proud of that, but I need to finish what I've started.  I feel like I need a writing mentor or something, but there again, I don't know where to begin.  It almost feels like I have the entire book written in my head, but I don't know where to go with my thoughts when I try to put pen to paper.  I've got a feeling that my book will be a success too, and I already see how to market and promote my book. 

All these things are VERY exciting to me and extremely overwhelming.  I feel like I've go so much to do that I almost don't know where to begin, but I am taking action to accomplish my goals.  God is so good and I love to think about all He's done for me and will continue to do for me.  He who has begun a good work in me shall continue it until the day of Christ.  

Stay inspired and keep on moving towards your dreams. 

There's Something to be Said For...

There's something to be said for friends and family.  I'm sitting in Philly right now watching Leverage on TNT and updating my blog while sitting in my grandmother's living room.  I've been in Philly since Tuesday at around 12:30am, and had the opportunity to hang out and staying with my best friend from high school.  We had sooooo much fun!  We laughed and laughed about our high school days.  Her kids are adorable and her dog is just the cutest thing!  She calls me the "dog whisperer" because I was able to keep him from whimpering and whining.  He listened to my verbal commands and thoroughly enjoyed being scratched.  Tonight I learned that he was in heat and was in love with my hand.  I thought it was hilarious that he started air humping as he stood on his hind legs with his front paws on my arm, which was resting on the arm of the couch...lol.  I'm so glad that I had the chance to really sit and fellowship with her.  I also got the chance to hang out with my family as well.  Man, I love my people...:-)

There's also something to be said for determination.  As I'm typing these words, I'm reflecting on my journey to AZ from NC and back again.  I'm thinking about going to school and graduating from college.  I'm thinking about how every time I say something, it comes to fruition.  There have been seemingly countless times when I wasn't sure how I was going to get things done, but because I was so determined to reach my goal that I couldn't see anything but my goal.  I sit here in awe of the goodness of God.  I can finally say that everything I do and accomplish is solely the work of the God in me.  Without Him, I wouldn't even be able to get out of bed in the morning.

There's something to be said for being a social butterfly.  I love meeting new people and have no problems with talking to anybody that will listen.  I think about how I've come to be the person I am now and all I can do is smile.  I don't remember ever being shy or embarassed to talk to strangers.  I'm a communicator and do my best to keep in touch with EVERYBODY.  Thank you Jesus for creating me like this.  I'm so thankful for your blessings and hand of favor.  Help me to be a blessing to all I encounter day to day.  He who has begun a good work in me shall continue it until the day of Christ...

I've go so much work to do, but I do my best to achieve my goals every day.

Dealing with Tragedy

I know it's been a long time since I've blogged about the things going on in my life, but I've been caught in a whirlwind since my return to NC in March.  For the first time in my life I've been dealing with tragedy and it feels so strange.  I love my family so much and I'm seemingly losing family members one after another. 

I lost my maternal grandmother 3 days after arriving in NC and 3 weeks later I lost my great aunt.  Last Sunday I lost my sister, Keeya, who passed away in her sleep.  I feel numb because family is very important to me and even though you know that they're going to pass away someday, I don't think you're ever REALLY prepared for dealing with death until it happens.

I'm beginning to get a headache from thinking about the family I've lost thus far.  It feels really good to be blogging again and I'll add much more tomorrow.  For now, just pray for my family as we deal with tragedies we have to face, and know that even during times when you don't think you can go on, God is still good and His mercy is everlasting.  Stay thankful and prayerful, and forgive and move on. 

And as always...stay inspired!

Change Can Be a Beautiful Thing...

I've made some pretty drastic choices over the last week and I'm not turning back from it!  I swear, if I wasn't so damn determined and stubborn I'd be dead by now.  I've gotten mad at myself, almost destroyed myself, encouraged myself...and now I'm working on myself and getting back to the Lennis I know and love.  


Things haven't been so great for me and I've been greatly affected by the distractions in my life instead of using those distractions as motivation to catapult me towards my goals and dreams.  I'm ready to face my challenges head on and have the mentality and mental stability to conquer anything that comes my way.  I had almost forgotten how much I love me...I just adore me!  I'm worth so much more than I've been willing to accept from others and have accepted from others.  I am worthy so much more than what's been given to me thus far and I'm fighting til my last breath to get what I want and feel I deserve.

Change is such a beautiful thing because even the most subtle change can make everything seem so much better and so drastically different than before. I've made some physical changes...some I like and some I definitely don't like.  The beauty is that I can always changes what I don't like and I've decided to do that starting today.  I'm improving on one change I've made and I love the result.  I feel more free now than I've ever felt in my life. 


Embrace change.  You will be so much better for it and will experience such growth because you've learned to become adaptable.

A Heart for Haiti

On Tuesday January 12, 2010, a 7.0 earthquake hit Haiti and devastated an already devastated country.  Hundreds of buildings collapsed and left hundreds of thousands of people homeless.  The death toll is still unknown and people are STILL be rescued alive today.  Rescued citizens of Haiti are hungry and in desperate need of medical supplies, food, water, and clothing.  My heart breaks for the people of Haiti, but I have hope for them too.

What's so ironic about this whole situation is the fact that Haiti is THE poorest country in the western hemisphere and has needed help for decades.  People are literally making mud pies to eat due to the lack of food.  The country is in such a desperate state and has needed global support for a long time, but now that a major earthquake has hit the world wants to respond.  It frustrates me that it takes a disaster for people to come together, but my heart is happy too...because FINALLY the world is coming together to help Haiti.  Millions of dollars have been raised to assist in the rescue efforts, delivery of food and medical supplies, and more money is pouring in from sources and resources all over the world.  Cell phone companies are encouraging customers to text a donation to be billed to the next month's phone bill.  American Airlines is flying medical staff to Haiti for free.  People are donating baby items, toiletries, and clothing and dropping them off at participating churches to be personally delivered to the people of Haiti.

I'm proud to say that I'm also doing my part.  I've created a fundraiser for my students to participate in and represent the high school for which I work.  It's a small step towards encouraging global citizenship for my students and it'll also encourage community involvement.  I'm very excited and passionate about what I'm doing and I don't want this to fade.  Finally the world is standing up in global support for Haiti and I want to keep the support flowing.  


Continued aid is on the way, Haiti...

Commit to Recommit

It is January 17, 2010 and my year has already gotten of to a rocky start.  I'm not going to waste my time venting or whining about the woes of my life, but I will say that part of my issues have been the fact that I'm rather undisciplined when it comes to so many things.  I want to get things done, but I get so easily overwhelmed that I just shut down.  

So today I'm making a commitment to myself and to you.  I'm committing to recommit to my goals and desires.  I want to write EVERY day.  I want to work out at least 3 days a week.  I want to have a side hustle.  I've decided that my side hustles are to tutor Spanish and to complete and publish my first book this year.

I think that part of what overwhelms me is the fact that my goals have other issues that affect the completion or maintenance of said goal.  For instance, I want to work out at least 3 days a week, however, I've got to have healthy items in my cabinets to help support that workout goal.  Eating healthy is expensive and I'm struggling to keep the basics in the house right now, let alone more fruits and veggies on a regular basis.  That fact wears on me emotionally, which leads me to emotionally eat junk food.  It's seems like a mad cycle.  I get so disgusted and overwhelmed by what I need that I just shut down and don't do anything.  How do I stop it?

The other goals are fairly simple.  I do love to write and posting on my blog really helps me clear my head and say what's really going on in my life and what truly affects me.  I really do enjoy blogging and will include these blogs in my book, which should be out by the end of the year.

I am committed to my re-commitment to myself.  I'm committing to being selfish and getting thing done for me...and I'm proud of that.  Today I've taken a small step and completed one goal...I blogged.
Now I get to scratch that goal off my To Do List today...

Celebrate EACH New Day...

I had the opportunity to talk to one of my dearest friends via Yahoo IM yesterday and was able to tell her how much I love her.  She told me how she had seen a post on Facebook about how we celebrate the New Year each year, even though we're given new mercies every day.  People make resolutions every year that, statistically speaking, peter out around February 1st.  We determine that we're gonna get into shape, change our attitudes, stop smoking, get new jobs...all sorts of stuff; however, most of us fail to realize that each day that we're allowed to wake up is an new opportunity to resolve to do all the things that we put off until the first of the incoming new year.

Personally, I gave up New Year's resolutions a very long time ago because I didn't see the point of waiting until the new year to do something that could be done with the dawning of a new day.  Seemingly, the new year is seen as a new beginning because the world procrastinates and uses their excuses as crutches to continue the undesired behavior.  I love when people say that tomorrow isn't promised, not only because it's true, but because it really puts our lives into perspective when faced with our own mortality.

My friend says that if we treat each DAY with the same zeal and excitement as we do when the new year comes, then instead of resolutions unmet there would be more goals met, dreams realized, and potentials reached.  That is such a profound statement to me.  I guess it's because I have a vivid imagination, so I can see myself so excited about the new day and living that day to the fullest.  I would have more of my book written, my apartment cleaned, and my checkbook organized.   With each new day comes new goals and new things to do.  Imagine the possibilities if we approached each new day with zeal and excitement.  What would you be able to accomplish in 24 hours?

One of the things that I can't stand to hear people say is that there just aren't enough hours in the day, but what if each day was as if it were the New Year?  Dr. Wayne Dyer says that when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at begin to change.  I want to encourage you (and me) to see each new day as New Year's day and live up to your potential.  Live more, love more, and laugh til you cry.  It's healthier for you and you'll be a whole lot happier in the long run...PLUS you get to party EVERY day!  So Happy New DAY!  Celebrate!